“Should I stay or go” situations always begin
with complaints about the partner.
“They’re a Narcissist.”
“They’re emotionally immature”.
In helping people find clarity on this really frustrating issue,
the biggest challenge is helping people put down the magnifying glass that’s so preoccupied with their partner’s behavior–
what they did or didn’t do– and pick up a mirror instead.
We hate doing that.
(We love our victim stories way too much).
It’s hard to NOT get frustrated–
when a partner doesn’t do their share of emotional labor,
doesn’t acknowledge their part,
who gets defensive when you are sharing your experience,
who turns it around and makes it about THEM all the time,
when all you want is to feel seen and heard.
It hurts to be in a relationship – yet still feel so emotionally alone.
But we also have our blind spots.
When A (who is a coach who helps women with their issues of Self Worth) reached out to me, she was feeling stuck.
She’s been there and done all the work.
She even teaches it.
Her and her partner have already done therapy.
They even took communication courses on Polarity.
And here she was, at the end of her rope.
“I’ve done the work,” they all say.
“Nothing is working!”.
This time she wanted to go deeper into where she hadn't ventured before- at a nervous system level-- and was open to learn what happens every time we get triggered and enter the Conflict “Infinite Loop of Doom”.
He gets irritated about something, then goes into a coping strategy for the emotional pain:
He shuts down or pulls away in order to regulate himself
(flight/freeze response).
Unfortunately this will bring up her wounding and will trigger her.
Her anxious preoccupation gets activated,
then, in order to regulate herself through that pain
(which isn’t even about him– it goes waaay deeper),
she goes into “fight” mode with judgments, and blame.
This "poking" energy,
which is merely a bid for connection from him,
puts her into her masculine energy–
causing his inner masculine to REPEL,
throwing even MORE gasoline on the flames.
By this time, both parties are flooded,
and it only goes downhill from there.
Anxious and Avoidance.
Masculine and Feminine.
All opposing energies within our human machinery,
without us being given a Manual on how to navigate them.
This is the Infinite Loop of Doom.
After she had it spelled out to her at The Overview Experience event.... it hit her.
Boom. Eureka. This time it was different.
She was able to catch it as it arose during conflict--
and went inward into the Somatic Integration practices we practice weekly-- began healing it at a Nervous System/ Somatic level.
And only 3 weeks into her training in our CycleBreakers Academy,
she just posted this in the fb community.
It FEELS like “Sorcery” but it’s actually what I call
“Integrated Polarity”-- the skill of polarized communication
on the OTHER side of some body-based secure attachment skills.
When you do it JUST right,
other people don’t even have to “do the work,”
they actually feel a difference in the way you show up.
They will feel a shift in you--
but YOU will be the only one to know what that is.
It works like magic, because our Nervous Systems are contagious if we are willing to work with them.
The biggest obstacle will be the willingness to pick up a mirror– stop looking outside, and to put away our victim stories and take it on as a spiritual practice.
It's our call.
For me it's been a no-brainer.
My relationship just keeps getting more magnetic as we commit to the practices and communication.
It’s been so much fun to learn and teach this “Sorcery”
to those willing to lean in.
Because when you have the courage and willingness to get vulnerable, to feel it all and share with responsibility and refinement,
your entire experience of relationships will shift,
and you no longer have to live in a relationship that doesn't meet your instinctual needs.
You CAN have what you want.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
On Friday– a few days left I’m taking my community on a Deep dive
and peeling back the curtain and demonstrating how this “Sorcery”
Is done.
We’ll explore the fine art of protection and containment
Boundaries so you can feel the difference between
Masculine (penetrative energy) and Feminine (open/receiving) energy.
There’s a subtle nuance that is a FELT SENSE.
We’re doing role plays and somatic exercises that get you to notice the difference not just on a cognitive level,
but you’ll be able to feel the distinction the two polarities,
so that you can go from becoming a people pleaser,
to a Magnetic to the right type of energy.
9-12 on Saturday the 13th in Sydney.
Only $30. Ends soon.
