From Dissociation to Reconnection

There’s a hidden root cause behind
most of our relationship challenges.

And it’s not about the “other” person.

It’s something more insidious.
In fact you can’t even feel it most of the time.

Most of us who are stuck in relationship dynamics that feel toxic,
living in a “should I stay or go” situation are painfully unaware
that there’s something deeper that isn’t being addressed.

It’s called “dissociation”.

Dissociation is a protective mechanism that causes us
to leave our bodies when we are children
when we encounter pain or emotional charge that is too much, too, soon,
or not enough for a prolonged period of time.

We end up numbing ourselves.
Disconnecting from reality.

Scrolling, numbing, avoiding, hiding.
Anything to avoid feeling what’s inside.

This causes us to live like we are floating,
drifting through life, grasping for safety, validation,
or to be seen and heard by others in order to feel love.

Without even knowing, this is how many of us do relationships.

This is exactly what was happening to Mona when she reached out to me.

Grieving the breakdown of her most recent relationship feeling like she was
disconnected from reality, she went all-in and decided to heal at a biological
level (not just through talk therapy which she had tried) to get to the root cause.

She discovered she was a fawner, conditioned from her South Asian background
to abandon herself and search for safety through men.

She was so low, she didn’t even know if life was worth living.

She had never learned how to create safety from within.
She had never learned how to take her triggers and turn them into deeper intimacy.
She had never learned how to navigate the challenging terrain of setting healthy boundaries.

But when she did, everything shifted for her.
You can hear her expression when I interviewed her in this 17 minute video.

Sometimes I get shocked at the transformation people achieve
when they learn how to become their own medicine.

And then I remember that the body knows exactly what to do when we
learn how to resource ourselves.

Dissociation causes us to live like our soul has left our body.
When that’s happening, we can’t advocate for ourselves.
We betray our own self worth for the sake of attachment,
and people pleasing becomes our only grasp at safety.

If you can relate to this, just know that there’s nothing wrong with you.

There’s likely a deep conditioned fawn response
and you haven’t likely even learned how to somatically attune to your own boundaries.

But when you do, as you can see from the look on Mona’s face,
you reconnect with yourself, your younger parts, your inner child,
and all the shadows (parts of you that you’ve been trying to avoid)
can come out and play and you get to experience what true self love feels like.

You can feel it radiating from her face and voice in the video.

If she can do it,
so can you.

We CAN learn how to become our own medicine,
and become the secure partner to ourselves--
the one we've been looking outside of ourselves,
waiting for.

I found everything I was looking for in a partner
after finding it in myself— from Dissociation to deeper connection.

And that’s why it makes my heart sing to teach this
to anyone willing to look inward and master this sacred practice.

You got this.

Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima.