It’s time for some real talk.
After countless calls with the people who have been consuming my content,
reaching out for help in their current situation, I want to share with you what I wish I could say to them—
but usually don’t, because let’s face it, the truth can sting.
Here it is: Consider the possibility that you DON’T want to heal.
Of course CONSCIOUSLY you want to. But unconscious parts of you don’t.
This is why I left Chiropractic. I saw people who came in who said they wanted to heal,
but they had blind spots. They couldn’t see the parts of them that were resistant to healing.
Ask any body worker, therapist, or counsellor, and they will confirm this to be true.
I just spoke with a Therapist and Counsellor who has done YEARS of talk therapy,
and is STILL stuck after 18 years in a “should I stay or go” situation.
Exhausted. Ready for change. Stuck in indecision.
Then when it came time to make a change—
can you guess what she was confronted by?
Yup. Fear and indecision.
You will say you’re ready for change. You will say you’re tired of the same old patterns.
The anxious avoidant dance is exhausting and you have tried counselling realizing that
the baby steps you’re making just aren’t adding up.
You’ve read the books and listened to the podcasts and watched the videos and
COGNITIVELY UNDERSTAND where the block is.
But when it comes time to actually DO the work, to dig deep and face those uncomfortable truths,
to FEEL AND WORK THROUGH THE FEELINGS you’ve been conveniently trying to avoid-
the ones at the helm of your anxiety and depression…
To FINALLY do what it takes to resolve them……..
Aaaand that’s when the excuses start.
The terror barrier hits.
And I get it. Change is terrifying. Stepping into the unknown feels like free-falling without a safety net.
Your old patterns-- They’re comfy, familiar, and oh-so-seductive.
I was terrified to leave my Trauma Bonded relationship.
I was not only afraid of being alone without a woman to validate me,
I was also afraid of the reputational impact of leaving her.
I knew she would drag my name through the mud if I did leave…
So I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND your fear and analysis paralysis.
But here’s the hard truth I had to face myself:
Those same patterns that are keeping me stuck— are keeping me miserable in this only one life.
And what quality of life was I living— constantly wearing a mask and hiding myself in shame?
One woman tearfully told me that she wanted to end her life and couldn’t continue the way she was going.
But the second an opportunity came to break the Trauma Bond Cycle,
I watched her regress into an addict fighting for the right to keep her addiction.
“I just can’t do it.”
Even though the last 30 days of her life were a living hell— her hell was FAMILIAR to her.
(Familiar = “Like Family”).
I’ve seen it all— the refund requests, the sudden ghosting, the “I’m just not ready” excuses,
right after saying they can’t continue the way they are going.
And hey, no judgment. We all have our blind spots.
But if you’re really serious about breaking free, about stepping into the life you say you want, you’ve got to MOVE THROUGH that fear.
What I wish I could say (but usually don’t) is this:
Stop letting your effing fear drive the car. It’s time to take the wheel.
You’re resilient and you’ll figure out a way forward.
Like Misty-Jo, who couldn’t keep going the way she was, and was becoming aware that her anxious patterns
were actually PUSHING love away— and she leaned in, was willing to have her blind spots revealed,
made the shifts, and is now in the most secure relationship of her life.
Like Joe, who was terrifed he was going to lose his marriage as his wife asked for a separation,
asking me to help him save his marriage during a call to reveal his blind spots— to which i replied
“That’s not what we are doing here…Your anxious attachment is destroying the polarity in your relationship….
you’re going to have to get to a place where you BECOME THE PERSON WHO’S WILLING TO WALK AWAY.”
And first he was resistant— but he leaned in—
and finally went beyond talk therapy and learned how to de-condition his anxious pattern to the point where
he was WILLING to walk away— and during the conversation about the details of their divorce,
in THAT moment his wife shifted and said she didn’t want to divorce him.
3 kids, they’re still together, with new skills to self regulate and co-regulate through their challenges
after a frustrating 8 years of talk therapy.
Imagine how much courage that took to get there.
(The courage to trust a retired chiropractor— no less).
And that’s the point: The results you’re not getting in talk therapy don’t take more time…
they take COURAGE.
What I want to say to people (but don’t because the truth hurts too much) is to
STOP PRETENDING YOU HAVE INFINITE TIME.
Lean into the resistance and make it your friend as you climb the mountain to secure love.
Enjoy your books and podcasts and videos— but for the love of God,
find a guide and community that focusses on TRAINING AND PRACTICING
instead of TALKING in circles about feelings.
Your younger parts will thank you for overcoming your people pleasing patterns and finally making YOURSELF a priority.
Your children will thank you because your home will turn into a sanctuary.
Most inspiring of all, you’ll feel the pride of accomplishing something so daring:
Breaking cycles that you inherited from parents that didn’t do the deep work.
And because of that,
Your self worth will upgrade to the point where you can finally look in the mirror and say "I love you."
The greatest gift of all.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
P.S.
If you’re ready to uncover what’s really holding you back—no sugar-coating, no fluff—let’s talk.
But only if you’re truly ready to face what’s been keeping you in the same old cycle.
I’m opening my schedule for the right person who resonates with this message,
and is genuinely curious about seeing their blind spots and is open to their blind
spots being revealed (lovingly)
on an Intuitive Blind Spot session.
on an Intuitive Blind Spot session.If you’ve been stuck in the anxious avoidant dance, and you’ve had success in the workplace,
but feel stuck in the relationship department, and you’re ready for some tough love,
Hit reply and give me your back story ending with
“Nima can you please help me reveal my blind spots and send me your private calendar link”.
I’ll have a look and see if I can pick out anything that might be hindering you from getting
the relationship connection you deserve. But only if you WANT to make the shifts.
The truth might hurt, but staying stuck hurts even more.
