Think about the areas of your life that cause the most dysregulation:
Toxic relationship patterns
Workplace stress and unfulfillment
Health crises
Now get your pen out.
Whenever I guide people through the exercise I’m about to share,
the results are often quite eye-opening (and dysregulating).
Here’s the exercise: (Your Self-stated Dysregulation Meter)
A score of zero (0) represents a sense of calm fulfillment.
A score of ten (10) represents full-blown panic attack/rage (dysregulation).
Five years ago, I was stuck in a trauma bond,
unsure if I should stay or go,
having just left my chiropractic practice to start a new business.
If I was honest with myself,
I was spending 2-3 hours a DAY triggered—
either by work-related stress
or in a volatile push-pull dynamic of the anxious/avoidant dance
at home in my toxic relationship.
Adding it up, that meant I was in a triggered state for 10-20 hours per week.
If I valued my time at $50/hour,
that equated to $1000/week wasted in dysregulation.
That’s 52K/year gone—potentially 100K/year if I made $100/hour—all wasted because I was stuck in a survival mode,
unable to take meaningful action.
For those of us with the privilege of making more,
the cost of dysregulation only increases—
one of my clients factored it was 20,000/month in costs to her Real Estate Company.
How much more could YOU be earning if you weren’t feeling so dragged down?
The wasted time, energy, and resources are staggering.
And we haven’t even considered the impact on health, relationships, and sleepless nights,
nor the effect of having our children witnessing and experiencing us our dysregulated state.
If you had parents with addictions, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Your kids are watching.
What are they learning from you?
Now— take a moment to run your own numbers in your head or on paper.
(I’ll wait.)
If the results alarm you, know that you’re not alone.
It’s not your fault.
This realization was my wake-up call to say “ENOUGH.”
I had to learn how to become Trigger-Proof—
which DOESN'T mean I DON’T get triggered.
It means I bounce back without suppressing or spiritual bypassing
with “love and light” bulls*t.
I did the work (instead of watching videos thinking I was doing the work).
(Hint: The real work involves a somatic, trauma informed approach)
These are skills seldom taught to us by our parents,
who didn’t understand how to be with THEIR own emotions,
let alone ours.
It’s about cultivating Nervous System Regulation,
learning how to rapidly identify our unconscious “Shadows,”
and mastering the art of repair so you don’t have to fight,
run, hide, or people please anymore (fawn).
There IS a better way that will save you THOUSAND$ in lost time.
And it’s like learning how to write, dance, golf or ski.
It’s a skill that requires you to physically show up and participate.
When you master these skills,
you feel more calm, centered, and regulated.
Your self-worth expands,
you feel safer in your skin,
and you’re no longer trapped in the anxious/avoidant dance.
You BECOME the safety you seek externally.
The way you do arguments changes.
Instead of taking days/weeks/months of avoiding one another
or feeling tense in the home,
you can actually bring a state of calm and ease and connection in MINUTES.
(This isn’t a fantasy. It’s really possible).
Your home CAN become a sanctuary for your entire family based on the work
YOU decide to commit to.
Imagine taking all the time and energy spent in survival mode (3/10 to 10/10)
and living in a state of “0.”
Or knowing exactly what to do to get from a 5-7 back to a 0/1 without sedation or numbing.
In MINUTES.
Imagine the impact on your health.
Your relationships.
Your productivity.
Most importantly:
Your children.
It’s all possible. You CAN heal this.
You just need the willingness to take the energy this is costing you dearly in draining
and channelling it into the education you never received.
It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you.
It’s the most courageous and rewarding work you will ever do.
You and your family deserve it.
Your wingman on the adventure.
