This is the topic I get the most hate for talking about.
So I’m going to request you pause and reflect before reacting to this.
And especially after you watch the video.
I’ve been a primary care practitioner for over 20 years now as a Doctor of Chiropractic,
helping hundreds if not thousands on their healing journey and I know with certainty
what keeps people stuck and NOT healing.
The way we respond to this topic is telling of where we are at in our healing journey.
I’m talking about Victimhood Identity.
Victimhood identity is a dark force in the human shadow
that gets passed down from generation to generation.
It’s entangled within our relationship to “power”.
That experience of being helpless,
powerless and ashamed is not a fun place to be.
No matter who you are— man, woman, white, or a person of color,
we have ALL experienced those feelings when we relate to others.
It’s universal. Even white men experience it EVEN THOUGH THEY SHOULDN’T!!(I’m kidding)
When someone judges you,
shames you,blames you,
criticizes you,cheats on you,
or is abusive to you—
in that moment freeze-framed in time,
you can easily argue that there is a victim— and a villain/perpetrator in the dynamic.
When you freeze that scene, anyone can see it and no one will argue with that narrative.
But the problem is— too many people in the world of healing from relationship conflict GET STUCK THERE.
Then they go to counsellors and therapists that all too often keep replaying that narrative,
validating one side of the story,
making one person the victim, and the other the villain…
Which is great for a momentary feeling of validation…
but TERRIBLE for your healing journey if repeated years down the road.
Because you’ll take that one sided narrative (as the victim)
to your next relationship — and attract someone who wants to rescue you.
Allow me to explain:
VICTIMS ATTRACT RESCUERS/SAVIORS.
And rescuers are all too often those of us who have low self worth,
looking for wounded birds to fix— so we can feel good about ourselves.
That was me. My ex was a deeply wounded bird.
And deep down the motive of the rescuer (me)
who has an unconscious Savior/God complex hidden in their shadows,
is to feel grandiose and important. (hello— Narcissism?)
Eventually the savior fails— because quite frankly no one can rescue us but us.
And when the savior fails, feeling used, resentful, overwhelmed as I did,
the rescuer bails, or gets reactive from feeling victimized by the victim—
which I did.
then turns into the next perpetrator in line for the victim, with abuse or abandonment.
Can you see how this triangle perpetuates itself?
HOW DO YOU BREAK THIS NASTY CYCLE?
In a society that has gone awry with celebrating victimhood,
we need to first recognize that our victimhood identity
from something that happened years ago,
STILL calling yourself a “survivor”
you’re literally giving your power away by identifying with an illness or a person
you’re unconsciously pedestalizing.
You literally can’t win by staying there.
The way you win?
See where you YOURSELF were also the “bad guy”.
You heard me right.
Only by owning where WE were the villain/perpetrator,
can we then overcome the victimhood identity narrative
that keeps us sick, stressed, powerless and helpless.
I know you want to feel powerful,
free from resentment, guilt and shame,
and I know you’re here because you want to create a foundation for love that is secure.
That’s why I am inspired to show those who are ready to break this nasty cycle,
not to invalidate the pain you’ve gone through,
but to help those who are ready to turn that pain into fuel for their healing and growth.
When you do, you lay the groundwork to be a force of mutual connection
instead of being a perfect storm for a trauma bond to thrive.
Going from victim identity to a compassionate identity is CRITICAL to expanding into the world instead of shrinking.
Ask yourself,
"Where am I holding onto resentment towards someone in my life?"
That’s where your freedom is…
freedom from your illness,
freedom from your past resentment towards an abusive mother/father or ex,
freedom from the guilt and shame.
the biggest obstacle is confronting the identity you’ve been holding onto
to make sense of your reality. Who would you be without the story?
The answer is:
A powerful, healed, self-actualized secure human being.
That’s who.Your healing awaits.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Dr. Nima
