“This pain is killing me.”
I can’t tell you how many times I used to hear these words in my days as a Chiropractor.
I would cringe inside for my patients,
because although I didn’t have the Poly Vagal Neuroscience training I have now,
as I’ve deepened my understanding of how to self-regulate the Nervous system…
but even back then I knew people were delaying their recovery simply by the words they were choosing.
Language contains energy.
So does the manner and state of “being” we are in when we use it.
If you don’t believe me, think back on all the times you felt misunderstood in a conversation,
simply because someone accused you of saying something “in a tone”
where you didn’t mean it at all.
One simple word in a sentence, delivered in a subtle way can cause hurt
when it wasn’t even intended.
That’s how sensitive our nervous systems are to language.
One of the greatest oversights on the planet right now happen to be in the field of mental “health”.
Ironically, in the field of mental health, labels like “anxiety” and “depression” which most of us have
experienced situationally at any given moment, depending on what we are going through,
are seen as “disorders” when they truly are NOT.
If you’re trying to heal from a Trauma Bond, going through the phases of love-bombing, devaluing,
and discarding — which is a classic pattern, your nervous system goes into hyper-vigilance and
This “alarm” state is NOT an illness. It’s an adaptation. Having a dude with a white coat label it “anxiety” feels good
especially if you’re afraid you’re having a heart attack, but at the same time it assumes there is something wrong with you.
If you’ve just lost your job, you’ve just caught your partner cheating, or your abandonment wound has been activated,
then you SHOULD feel a “Sympathetic” fight or flight response. One of the greatest shifts happened in my life
was when I stopped using the language “anxiety” and “panic attacks” and began to see my system as wisely intelligent
and protective: “I’m in alarm. My body’s defences have been triggered and I’m protecting myself.”
This is one of the first lines of defense we teach our Cyclebreakers in their journey towards self regulation.
If we are encountering a perceived threat that is too much, foo fast, or too soon — or not enough for a prolonged period of time,
then it’s perfectly adaptive and protective to “check out” and go into what’s called “Dorsal Vagal Shutdown.”
This is when we are so steeped in grief or shame that it just feels safer to not feel anything. This freeze response…
Like a collapsed immobility with fear can be mislabelled as “Depression” which is a way to classify it so that doctors
can get payed by insurance companies, but other than that benefit, it serves the recipient of that diagnosis no healing benefit.
Not unless it’s used to get to the root cause — and to educate the person on how to move back up to safety.
We don’t learn how to become active operators of our Nervous System. We don’t know what to do with our emotions,
we aren’t good at feeling them, labelling them (I’m sad, I feel guilty, I feel ashamed, hurt, and angry), and sharing them —
and we haven’t usually experienced what it’s like to feel held in them safely and witnessed…
And so it makes sense that when these emotions come up, we stuff them away, and get a diagnosis, and a pill.
This is what our world has come to.
And we’re getting sicker because of it. And it’s now affecting our children.
Thanks to our technological advances and our dopamine dealing smart phones,
Anxiety and Depression in children has reached epidemic proportions (as it SHOULD be given the environment)
and making our normal emotions and reactions to it wrong isn’t helping.
I’m here to offer you an entirely new perspective:
You don’t have “Depression”. You’re under-expressed.
You don’t have “Anxiety”: You’re under-expressed.
The good news is, you don’t ever have to invalidate your normal response to your toxic environment and unresolved traumas anymore.
You CAN heal. You CAN learn how to become your own medicine.
When you do, you no longer invalidate your child-like parts that are brilliantly working to try to keep you safe.
You become more self affirming, understanding, and compassionate with them.
And suddenly your reality, your sense of self worth, sense of deserving and relationships all transform to reflect
the new language you are using to speak to yourself:
With kindness and compassion and empathy.
When this happens, your entire experience of life transforms.
Shifting our relationship to trauma and our past involves changing the way we speak to ourselves.
Isn’t it time you moved past the feeling like there’s something “wrong with you” and you need to be “fixed”?
Isn’t it time you actually learned how to move those stuck emotions THROUGH you and learn how to alchemize the pain you’ve been avoiding into FREEDOM?
If you’re ready to shift that fundamental relationship — join us at our next upcoming event and experience
the difference of what it’s like learning how to actually heal — shifting the shaming and invalidating labels into pure understanding and compassion.
The greatest gift is that you can then make sure not to pass on that same invalidating and shaming of emotions to the next generation.
Your guide on the side,
Thank you. Really makes me think about how I just mis handled my last relationship. I don’t want him back. I just want to learn how to make the next relationship work. I am way to emotional. Need to learn to handle situations with out going off the deep end.