A ruptured attachment can be lethal.
In the last 3 years, I’ve had several participants send me DM’s
after they attended one of my events to tell me
“Thank you. I wanted to end my life before this….
this was my last hope. I had already made the plans.
I can now let my family know that things are going to be ok.”
I get emotional just thinking about it.
Last year a good friend of my wife’s growing up
after going through a divorce process
began dating someone who was clearly a Trauma Bond,
after a rupture in their attachment,
actually ended his life.
Why does this happen?
Why do we equate a breakup with wanting to end our lives?
To answer that question
we must first go back to where we got our blueprint
for how we do relationships.
Most of us had shitty role models for relating.
We didn’t have safety in being able to have ourselves,
while at the same time being able to be with others.
As children, we were often conditioned to deny, suppress, hide,
or invalidate our needs, desires, preferences, and boundaries,
all for the sake of attachment.
“It’s either your needs or mine. I can’t have you AND me at the same time.”
So we lose ourselves for the sake of attachment.
We abandon our values for what we perceive is “love,”
because that feels FAMILIAR.
(Familiar = “Like family”)
And when we abandon ourselves,
in that moment
we demonstrate to others how to treat us,
and inevitably when that person ends up choosing THEIR priorities,
and moving forward without us,
We are left with the chilling realization that our fantasy has been broken,
leaving an empty hollow core behind.
That’s how Stacie felt when she began the deep work with us.
She, like may others, had started with talk therapy and was ready to do something different.
There was something in my video content that grabbed her.
She felt she needed a more direct approach rather than beating around the bush.
She was ready to become Trigger-Proof.
Within weeks, the dark cloud lifted
as she alchemized years of conditioning from her Nervous System.
After a few months of mastering how to respond when her triggers were activated,
she felt like she became more of a whole individual.
She softened to herself.
And within no time at all,
a new man came into her life that felt completely different.
At first she felt like she wasn’t interested in him.
Turns out she had “longing” and being “pedestalized" so hard-wired in her system
that she didn’t know how to interpret what a secure relationship would feel like.
She was so used to being anxious in her previous relationships,
she judged that a secure relationship meant that something was “off”.
Turns out it wasn’t off. She really wanted to share her 15 minute story with you.
From wanting to end it all
to finding secure relationship within a matter of WEEKS,
simply by healing at a Nervous System level,
and mastering the frameworks of becoming Trigger-Proof.
When you see her share,
realize you have it within you too.
Trauma Bonds are real.
The push/pull dynamic of the anxious/avoidant cycle is exhausting.
It impacts your quality of life.
Super high sexual charge,
crazy fun on the ups,
but when the lows come,
things really can go south fast with our mental well being.
Some even get sick— mentally or physically.
And when there are kids involved,
they get caught in the crossfire
and can become collateral damage—
ready to become the next generation in the family line
to become codependent as you observed your parents to be.
I know if any of that sounds like you,
It’s not your fault.
You haven’t learned the art of conscious polarity,
becoming Trigger-Proof, and mastering the conflict/repair cycle.
It’s a skill that was never taught to us.
I know you want to master the art of Nervous System Regulation,
and break the victim identity
and take responsibility for your own upgrade,
rather than relying on your partner(s) and you’re DONE
with waiting on the world to change.
That’s why you’re in my algorithm.
You’re a cyclebreaker.
Feel a little spooked by that noble cause?
Try it on, right now.
Consider the possibility that you were put on this earth
to break the cycle that didn’t start with you.
The cycle ends with you.
That’s why you’re here.
And you’re willing to learn how to become your own hero,
and like Stacie,
master the art of healing ruptured attachments.
Upgrade your skillsets
to become a "safe container” for a secure partnership that feels safe.
This is our task of being a human.
To heal with the most important relationship that ALL OTHERS stand upon:
The one with yourself.
That’s a relationship worth fighting for, and living for.
Your wingman on the adventure,
P.S. Ready to stop fawning and people pleasing,
and master the art of turning Anxious attachments into an earned secure status?
Where to begin:
The Overview Experience is a 6 hour DEEP dive into the unconscious motives
that keep us stuck in Trauma Bonded dynamics.
There you’ll learn how to peel back the layers that cause us to react
in insecure and immature ways that lend to toxic relationships.
Ideal for anyone healing from a Breakup or in a “should I stay or go”
situation who has a deep value of self reflection and personal responsibility,
wanting to learn how to become proficient at the rupture/repair cycle,
so you can master the skills to heal decade of resentment in one day.
8 spots left- register by Feb 2nd to get a 1-1 Integration session with me,
Dr. Nima after for Implementation of your newly found skills.