How Anxiety Creates Repulsion

Written By Dr. Nima

On July 6, 2024
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HOW ANXIETY CREATES REPULSION
(Real names used with permission).
 
A familiar name slid into my DM’s, this time she was introducing me to her partner, Greg.
 
Sophia and I worked together 5 years ago, but this time, late April 2024, as many of my clients and students do,
she had a desire for Greg to upgrade his relationship game and magnetism.
 
His insecurities and blind spots were impacting her attraction towards him.
 
Greg is one of the most sincere and kind and pure-hearted men I’ve ever met.
 
MOST men stupidly think it’s weak to receive help on relational skills.
 
He was "all-in.” He didn’t want his blind spots to ruin a good thing with this amazing and conscious and radiant woman.
 
But just like most “nice guys”— he was unaware that his anxiety
and his preoccupation with people pleasing was triggering Sophia’s avoidance.
 
If you’ve ever been part of a push-pull dynamic, you have experienced this:
 
OUR ABANDONMENT ANXIETY TRIGGERS OUR PARTNERS AVOIDANCE.
 
And it’s an exhausting cycle.
 
When a woman’s abandonment anxiety gets tiggered,
she goes into her MASCULINE and tries to lead, judge, blame, and control.
 
When a man’s abandonment anxiety gets triggered,
he emasculates and goes into his FEMININE.
 
Like two identical poles of a magnet, this creates REPULSION.
 
The sad part is— without knowing how to work through these polarities, it turns into an infinity loop where
her avoidance then triggers more insecurity and abandonment anxiety in him, causing him to overcompensate even MORE, emasculating him FURTHER,
 
and the cycle repeats itself until there is a rupture or a breakup/divorce.
 
I started showing Greg my refined Integrated Polarity Process where he’s not only working on communicating from his
Masculine pole (which is easy to just “memorize"),
but how to EMBODY HIS SELF WORTH BEFORE COMMUNICATING so that she wasn’t picking up a TINGE of anxiety in his communication.
(That's a bit trickier and contains nuance)
When he did, she felt PULLED toward him.
 
He was no longer in the frequency of “preoccupation”.
 
Her avoidant parts no longer had anything to fight AGAINST.
 
Massive shift in magnetism.
 
Today while I was preparing the slides for my upcoming workshop next week on Integrated Polarity,
I received this text message from her while on their Vacation to Ibiza, almost 3 months to the day where she first connected me to Greg announcing that they are now engaged.
 
I had tears in my eyes and jumped on a quick video chat,
not realizing that she snapped a screenshot photo of me congratulating both of them-- and sent it over after.
 
“He’s making me feel like I want to be closer to him,
and not needing space anymore” she told me.
 
If anyone tells you that Polarity is bullshit,
and it’s about suppressing women,
 
I invite you to see that polarity isn’t ONLY about masculine and feminine, it’s actually happening behind the scenes, constantly in dynamic motion, in the dance of the polarity of our relationship anxiety:
 
The ANXIOUS and AVOIDANT, the PREOCCUPIED and the DISMISSIVE parts of each other that are ALWAYS at play in the background.
 
Parts that we have had ZERO training and understanding in how to manage.
 
When you do, you create a state of Empowered and Integrated Polarity where you magnetize the RIGHT person and can weed out those who aren’t, simply by shifting your energy and communication.
 
Anxiety creates REPULSION.
Polarity creates ATTRACTION.
 
It’s ALL about magnetism.
 
And like any Martial Art or learning a new instrument,
it CAN be learned and mastered.
 
Our juicy intimate relationships actually depend on it.
 
Magnetically yours,
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
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