How to Help a Kid With Anxiety

Written By Dr. Nima

On April 5, 2024

Like millions of parents out there, Jenny had an anxious kid.

The worst part of seeing our kids struggle with anxiety
is the feeling of powerlessness we have.
We just want them to know they’re going to be ok.

“Calm down”
“Take deep breaths”
“don’t be anxious”

are likely things your parents said to you when you were younger
and dealing with your fears, uncertainties,
and difficult emotions growing up.

Unfortunately, our parents didn’t have access to the
tools and awareness we now have.

Our parents didn’t understand about the Nervous System,
how our behavior is run by unresolved feelings underneath.

They didn’t teach us how to be with the charge that will arise
through the challenges of school, socializing with friends,
and getting/not getting approval of our classmates.

Jenny started seeing a lot of disconnection and dissociation
in her household and wanted to help her kids.

So she did something very few parents have the courage to do:

She decided to get past the blame game and decide to help the child inside of her FIRST.

By tending to the big emotions that arise every day within her, and learning
how to be with them and expand her capacity to be with her triggers,
(What I love to call “becoming Trigger-Proof”),
a calmness ensued— and she became a safe container for herself.

Then something magical happened— without having to send her kids to do any “therapy”
to “fix” them:

They began to feel safer within themselves.

See, our kids are responding to the energy in the container of the household.

If there is incongruency and inauthenticity within our relationships—
there’s a funky “charge” that’s prouduced between us.

That’s how you can usually tell when someone’s lying to you.
Or when someone is saying “I’m fine” when they are not.

Kids can feel that between their parents.

What we have discovered is that more often than not,
when anxiety is involved,
kids are reacting to an attachment that is ruptured,
or a perception of a lack of safety in the home.

My son can always tell when there’s something not right
when my wife and I have had an argument.

Think of what your childhood was like when your parents weren’t getting along.

This is why the greatest thing we can do for a kid struggling with anxiety,
is to learn how to work with the charges that are arising within ourselves.

When we do, we become a safe container where intimacy can be shared,
feelings can be expressed,
and shame can be dissolved.

Instead of trying to fix her child, make him happy, or see her son as flawed,
Jenny took it on as a wake-up call to look within and see what her kid was reflecting within HERSELF.

This is what I call becoming a Trauma informed Parent.
She shares her story HERE.

Taking on the work of breaking intergenerational trauma cycles is the most heroic act we can do for our kids.

When we do, we feel safer within. Less reactive…
And when our kid shows up with a sense of anxiety, or fear of rejection— we know EXACTLY how to help them,
because we have already helped the child/teen inside of ourselves.

This is the work.
This is what it means to be a cyclebreaker.

We CAN teach our children what was never taught to us: How to develop a healthy sense of self worth.
To have confidence to take on challenges. To believe in themselves.

What a noble thing to dedicate yourself to something you never received growing up.

Anxiety isn’t a disease to fight.
It’s a wake up call to look inside.

Sending you so much love on your courageous journey within.

Your wingman on the adventure,

P.S. Due to popular demand from our community, for the FIRST time
I’ll be hosting a workshop for parents who want to up their game
to help them connect better with their kids, and find healthier
alternatives to punishment/parenting with shame so they can
break the cycles they grew up in that led them to insecure attachment styles.
After all— where do you think you developed your anxious and avoidant tendencies? 

If you want to make sure you’re not creating anxious and insecure children,
kids who believe in themselves and won’t abandon themselves for anyone…
"You’ll love what you learn at Connecting to an Anxious Child:
Support Your Kid's Emotional Health by Becoming a Polyvagal Parent (From a Somatic Lens).”
You’ll be learning how to parent with a Trauma Informed Lens,
and I’ll be sharing somatic practices and strategies to help
kids process their big emotions and deepen your connection with them,
so they will WANT to spend time with you later in life, without 
the resentment that develops with unconscious parenting. 

For only $30 you can join us Friday April 19th at 4-7pm PST (7-10 EST)
or Saturday the 20th at 10am Sydney time in Oz.
Jump in and join us.

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