I realized I Was The Problem

Written By Dr. Nima

On May 7, 2024
Have you heard the Taylor Swift song “Anti-Hero”?
I remember the first time hearing it and was blown away.
“I’ll stare directly in the sun but never in the mirror”
was one of my favorite lines of all time in a song,
because it captured what I see so often when helping people
stuck in toxic relationship dynamics.
In a world where it has become the latest trend to research Narcissism
and point the finger and blame the other person,
it’s both inspiring and honorable to see someone on their healing journey
have the courage and maturity to take ownership of their part in the dance.
This is what happened with Michelle,
who was staring down the barrel of another failed marriage.
Her second.
It was HIS third.
They had recently separated at the time,
and she was convinced HE was the Narcissist.
(She shares in this 14 minute video)
Stuck in a “should I stay or go” dynamic,
endless negative cycle of anxious/avoidant ruptures
with no training on HOW TO REPAIR,
not realizing that the very dynamics they were acting out
were exactly like the roles that were playing in childhood,
not knowing what to do.
She realized it wasn’t her fault, but she wasn’t seeing herself as the problem.
Obviously he had his woundings as well.
But she finally recognized her pattern.
She reached out to rewire the conditioning and began learning:
-how to identify her triggers and be able to discern if it’s something happening NOW,
or it’s historical (hint, it’s always historical)
- How to identify her “projections” and be able to see what she was judging during a conflict
was something inside of her that she hadn’t realized
- How to take conflict and turn it into deeper intimacy
Michelle began to become Trigger-Proof (Not trigger-less!) and
her separated husband noticed such a massive shift in her,
He began actually WANTING to step up and participate.
The results in the way she was reacting towards him,
giving up her victim story had him doing a double take.
Together, they joined us at Rewire: Love/Sex/Money,
and in front of the entire group (it was a zoom call),
they BOTH committed to taking full ownership and responsibility
rather than play the blame game.
They BOTH realized they were part of an unconscious dance,
and it wasn’t EITHER of their fault!
She even divulged in front of everyone
something she had been holding back in their sex lives,
that got in the way of their connection.
That heart opening moment caused him to really want to step up
and take care of her.
(This is massive).
They went from “It’s over” to “we have enough here to keep working on this”.
His shifts didn’t stop with Michelle.
His relationships with his family and children all shifted through the process too.
All over one 3-day weekend.
There’s something magical about investing 3 days
to learn skills that should have been taught to us to navigate
the 3 most common triggers in any relationship:
The anxious-- avoidant negative cycle, Sex, and Money.
When you do, you realize it’s not your fault,
but it IS your responsibility to deal with what’s coming up on your side of the street.
Then you’re able to go from “stuck" to “we now have the tools”.
“We got this”.
No more worrying if we are making the right decision.
No more worrying about regrets.
The only regret from 100% of our participants we hear
is that they wish they learned all this sooner.
It all begins with putting down the magnifying glass,
the one we use to constantly highlight how THEY are the problem,
and pick up a mirror instead.
And the biggest obstacle will be the unwillingness to face our shame and guilt,
and to make the time for yourself and your family’s growth.
And when you’re willing to lean in,
you become the cyclebreaker of your family line.
Michelle shares some of her journey here in this 14 minute video.
This is why I love guiding those who are ready to be the one to break the cycle in their family line.
It’s not YOU that’s the problem,
but it IS your conditioning, and that IS your responsibility to shift.
Standing for healed families,
regardless if you’re a “Swifty” or not.
Your wingman on the adventure,
P.S. If you’re ready to rewire the top 3 roadblocks in the Nervous Systems of most humans,
in Love, in Sex, and in Money, so that you can
- Master the rupture-repair process to ensure you build secure attachment,
- Create Magnetism and Polarity —
(even in long term relationships that gets lost after you have kids)
- Expand your Capacity to receive in your financial game,
we have 5 spots left for 5 couples who are ready to make 2024 THE year
where the narrative shifts from “Insecurity” to “security”.
This is the 3rd time I’m doing this event on May 17th-19th (North America)
(18-20th in Oz) and we are almost at capacity.
I’m offering this as a 2-for-1 because I am committed to helping families heal,
and this can be done more efficiently when BOTH parties are all-in for
getting clarity in a “should I stay or go” situation and go BEYOND TALK THERAPY,
and actually get into unpacking the conditioning that has us showing up as reactive,
emotionally immature, and insecure.
5 spots left, and I have a promo code for the next 24 hours that will unlock a 50% discount.
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