Is Your Partner Your Parent?

Written By Dr. Nima

On November 12, 2023

“I think I married my mother/father”.
If only I had a nickel for every time I heard this in my DM’s
from people stuck in a “should I stay or go?” situation in their relationships.

I talk to so many people who swear they don’t want to become like their parents,
or they want to find the OPPOSITE of what they experienced,
but mortified to find themselves repeating a similar dynamic.

Freud called this the “repetition compulsion”.

It’s not even conscious.

In the weird cosmic dance of life,
we are pulled to what’s familiar.

There are parts deep inside us that calls for resolution.
For attention.

For completion.

If we don’t, we then get stuck in Trauma Bonds—
which are powerful and addictive entanglements with partners
who feel toxic, exhausting, even abusive…

Not because there’s something wrong with us or them.

But because it’s FAMILIAR.
Familiar = “Like Family”.

In my private Chiropractic practice I would see correlations
between these relationship dynamics and poor health outcomes.

Even though we want healthy relationships,
we don’t have a clue what that would even look like,
because it would be so unfamiliar.
And the worst part is that when we don’t get to the cause of these dynamics and heal the attachment wound at it’s root,
we then spill that into our children
who end up in the same insecure relationships that we were in.

The good news is that you CAN break the cycle by dismantling
the root of the Trauma Bond:

Learning how to become Trigger-Proof.
Resolving the primary wound and ensuring you know exactly how to
RESPOND (instead of react) every time it gets activated.

The wound is a rupture from the SELF.

Learn to resolve THAT, and the trauma bond heals,
you learn to speak your truth,
share your boundaries in a healthy way,
you tolerate nothing less than being cherished and respected,
the types of people you attract upgrade,
the types of people you’re ATTRACTED TO start to change,

And you learn to connect to your own inner voice, trust, and KNOWING.

One day you realize you’re in a loving, mutual relationship—
not with a child anymore.
And no longer with your parent.

It’s all on the other side of learning the skills of becoming Trigger-Proof.

Your wingman on the adventure,


P.S. If you’re ready to find out what the process of Being Trigger-Proof ACTUALLY looks like,
I open up 10 spaces every month at our Overview Experience virtual Deep-Dive.
I teach my Cyclebreakers Community the practice and somatic process
I came up with that helps you master the art of REPAIR:
Turning Triggers into deeper self love,
and Conflict into deeper intimacy.

When you get this right, your anxious and avoidant tendencies shift to secure,
Trauma Bonds melt into compassion and understanding,
And you raise your status of who you attract and are attracted TO.

If you want begin the inner work and start to become more magnetic,
grab a spot on our next upcoming event.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

You May Also Like...

Too Late

“It’s too late for me” is something I’ve been hearing quite a bit in my worldof relationship / Trauma bonding recovery. It’s sad to hear— especially when there’s a more empowering perspective there. We all want secure relationships, and if you’re a parent, of coursewe...

read more

How Mom and Dad Impacted Your Relationships

If you are dealing with an insecure attachment,narcissistic/codependent relational dynamics,or anxious avoidant patterns….   YOU CAN BLAME YOUR PARENTS FOR THAT.   (I’m half kidding here, by the way).   Just here to let you know how common this is.   Sometimes I think...

read more

Shame Is The Main Hurdle In The Path Of Healing

In 2018, I remember hating what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Shame— that feeling of being “inherently bad inside” the feeling behind the reason people end their lives….   Is not something we are born with:   It’s something we are born INTO.   Like a fish being...

read more