“I think I married my mother/father”.
If only I had a nickel for every time I heard this in my DM’s
from people stuck in a “should I stay or go?” situation in their relationships.
I talk to so many people who swear they don’t want to become like their parents,
or they want to find the OPPOSITE of what they experienced,
but mortified to find themselves repeating a similar dynamic.
Freud called this the “repetition compulsion”.
It’s not even conscious.
In the weird cosmic dance of life,
we are pulled to what’s familiar.
There are parts deep inside us that calls for resolution.
For attention.
For completion.
If we don’t, we then get stuck in Trauma Bonds—
which are powerful and addictive entanglements with partners
who feel toxic, exhausting, even abusive…
Not because there’s something wrong with us or them.
But because it’s FAMILIAR.
Familiar = “Like Family”.
In my private Chiropractic practice I would see correlations
between these relationship dynamics and poor health outcomes.
Even though we want healthy relationships,
we don’t have a clue what that would even look like,
because it would be so unfamiliar.
And the worst part is that when we don’t get to the cause of these dynamics and heal the attachment wound at it’s root,
we then spill that into our children
who end up in the same insecure relationships that we were in.
The good news is that you CAN break the cycle by dismantling
the root of the Trauma Bond:
Learning how to become Trigger-Proof.
Resolving the primary wound and ensuring you know exactly how to
RESPOND (instead of react) every time it gets activated.
The wound is a rupture from the SELF.
Learn to resolve THAT, and the trauma bond heals,
you learn to speak your truth,
share your boundaries in a healthy way,
you tolerate nothing less than being cherished and respected,
the types of people you attract upgrade,
the types of people you’re ATTRACTED TO start to change,
And you learn to connect to your own inner voice, trust, and KNOWING.
One day you realize you’re in a loving, mutual relationship—
not with a child anymore.
And no longer with your parent.
It’s all on the other side of learning the skills of becoming Trigger-Proof.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
