what’s your style of arguing during a rupture (aka, conflict)?
This is the first thing I want to understand when I’m helping someone in distress
stuck in a “should I stay or go” situation.
The love is there,
there’s so much to be grateful for,
there are often kids involved,
but the way people fight is not conducive to a healthy dynamic,
and the worst thing about it is when the kids are standing there,
watching and learning — the exact same way YOU DID when you were a child
watching your parents as they navigated a rupture/conflict between them.
You are likely someone who values personal growth,
leadership, expansion and responsibility— and NOT wanting to remain in a victim story.
But once you’re triggered in conflict,
and stuck in a rupture you’re ill-equipped to repair from,
you’ll fall back into patterns that were implanted
since you were little.
None of this is your fault.
If you want to blame anyone— blame your family and societal conditioning.
Ruptures and disagreement aren’t something you actually learned how to navigate.
So if you’re like MOST people,
your system has very little capacity for ruptures and disagreement.
This was me in my last relationship.
We were in a Trauma Bond, so we got off on the rupture repair process—
which was intensified by make-up sex.
Which feels awesome during those moments—
But at what cost?
- Sleepless nights
- Constantly on high alert
- Depression and needing out of the situation, but feeling powerless to move
- Wondering if secure love is possible for you
- Self Hate, low self worth
- Constant resentment
- Health takes a down-turn (digestive and auto-immune)
If you’re resonating with all of this and feeling a sense of immense shame,
don’t beat yourself up.
I know exactly what that’s like.
You’re not a bad person— and you’re not broken.
You simply haven’t learned how to repair through conflict —
in such a way that the intimacy deepens.
You haven’t learned how to become Trigger-Proof.
When you do— you can go through the discomfort of a rupture
without people pleasing and fawning while simultaneously
communicating your boundaries in a way that your partner
feels understood and appreciated.
When you do, the polarity is restored and magnetism arises.
And the repair doesn’t spin you into another cycle of love-bombing/honeymoon phase either…
It’s far more grounded and stable than that.
I know if you’re reading this, you probably hate that merry-go round,
wondering if you should leave the relationship,
endless talk therapy sessions that try to validate your story,
books and courses on communication that don’t address what arises in your biology when you’re in a rupture,
wishing that they “fix their issues” so you can have a happy relationship…
that’s why the focus of my work is 100% on what YOU CAN DO ON YOUR SIDE OF THE STREET
that helps you become a MASTER of repair….
First with yourself…
then with the other.
Take a moment and imagine the confidence that emerges when you know you have mastered that.
If you stand for a healed family system,
to move into compassion from all the resentment and bitterness,
so that you can finally break the cycle that didn’t start with you,
and you can either magnetize a relationship with someone willing to work WITH you,
or deepen your magnetism so that your partner will rise to meet you there,
because they respect and cherish who you have become to the point they don’t want to lose you.
A rising tide lifts all boats.
And you know that.
Master your capacity to repair from a rupture,
and every single relationship in your life changes for the better.
Your wingman on the adventure,
standing for healed families.