Understanding The Push/Pull Dynamic

Written By Dr. Nima

On June 10, 2024

Did you ever wonder why the push-pull dynamic keeps coming upin insecure relationship dynamics?

It all makes perfect sense when you study the mechanism.

Insecure (and exhausting) push-pull dynamics happen because
we haven’t yet learned how to navigate the two primary attachment fears gone awry:

  1. The Fear of Abandonment— being left behind, drifting in a sea of loneliness and despair.
  2. The Fear of Engulfment — being consumed, eaten alive, and losing oneself.

That’s it. The unconsciously polarizing dance of these two extremes,
and not knowing what do about them are what’s underneath your relationship woes.

If we haven’t yet become Trigger-Proof and learned how to work with the unconscious material
(Conflicts) that will arise between two souls with a wounded past,
then you’ll notice things start going south real fast:-

You won’t speak up and share what’s arising for you in an elegant way—
hiding your discomfort because you think it might upset them.


You DO speak up— but with force/aggression,
or in some way that causes others to be repelled and pushes them away.

Either way, we feel like the victim (and so do they).

The worst part of all is the fact that reading all the attachment books,
watching all the youtube videos, and talking to your therapist helps with understanding
WHY this chaos is happening and relationships don’t feel safe,
but as you know— these modalities alone don’t create a NEW pathway for us,

Imagine a possibility where you CAN experience relationships as solid,
steady, uplifting and fulfilling resources filled with
playfulness and joy.

I didn’t have that modelled to me so I didn’t know it was even possible.

Turns out, it IS.

I— an avoidant, player who couldn’t commit is living it.
And if I can do it— you can too.

To get there, you have to be willing to commit
to becoming the kind of person who can have their partner say:

“My partner is my peace”.

Try that on right now.

Can you say that about your partner?
Can your partner say that about you?

Do you even have the WILLINGNESS to learn how?

The good news is this IS entirely possible.

But to do so, you will need to get out of fantasy-land in thinking we can learn a skill by observation alone.

You can’t learn to ride a bike or play the piano from just reading a book.

At some point, you have to DO THE THING.


In this case, the “thing" would be to master the rupture/repair process
that stops the negative cycle of the push/pull anxious/avoidant dance
so that when you’re triggered by one another,
you can move towards CONNECTION instead of DISCONNECTION.

This requires a conscious understanding of attachment and conscious polarity.

The impact of these skills can not be understated.

Your Health shifts (our students with auto-immune issues end up resolving them)
Anxiety lifts (you feel safe in your body)
SELF-TRUST and confidence emerge (because you’re no longer running away from your shadow).

And your children watching you get the benefit as well.

Think of how much your kids are impacted by the energy in the family container.

whether we like it or not, kids are watching everything,
listening to everything,
and forming thoughts and beliefs that will live with them for decades.

And one day, they (unfortunately) will end up being on an email list like this.


The biggest obstacle I see in most humans is our RESISTANCE to doing the real work.

It feels safer talking to a therapist pretending that you’re building resilience.

That takes more effort.

When you’re willing to move through the fear and resistance,
and start getting your body involved,
you’ll notice a few wins right off the bat:

  1. Decrease in feelings of shame and guilt (because you see you’re not alone)
  2. Increase in your experience of self worth
    (because you set a boundary and made yourself a priority)

Those two foundational shifts unlock pretty much everything else
you’ve ever wanted in your relational game as your MAGNETISM
upgrades and the RIGHT people start to find you.

Clients — you start attracting higher vibing clients (I’m loving my new peeps).
Dates (if you’re single— start showing up as more conscious and aware.
And if you’re partnered— your partner is either inspired to step up to meet you,
or if they don’t— you have the courage to walk away with an open heart,
answering the “should I stay or go” question once and for all.

Either way you win.

The push-pull dynamic is a symptom of an underlying problem.

And once you make the shifts— Your relational experience upgrades.

End of discussion.

You get to make that call.

Imagine that.

Your wingman on the adventure,



Ready to move beyond just reading books and watching YouTube videos?
It's time to EXPERIENCE the transformation of expanding your capacity,
rewiring insecure patterns, stopping fawning, and showing up magnetic.

Join us for The Overview Experience
a powerful 6-hour training that feels like 6 years of therapy
condensed into one transformative session.

You won’t leave the same person who came in.

You'll gain new skills, learn to distinguish between your shadows
and blind spots, and break the infinite loop of conflict in the anxious/avoidant trap.
Secure attachments aren't found; they are built through the conflict/repair cycle.
At The Overview Experience, you'll learn to take command of your relationship anxiety
and expose your blind spots in a fun, supportive environment with committed Cyclebreakers.

Event Details:


  • Saturday, June 29th, 12-6pm PST (3-9pm EST)
  • Sunday, June 30th, 5am-11am Sydney time

What You’ll Learn:

  • Master the Rupture/Repair Process
  • Gain Clarity and Confidence in the “should I stay or go” question
  • Communicate in a magnetic frequency to inspire the healthy masculine/feminine
  • Understand the distinction between Conscious and Unconscious Polarity
  • Develop the critical skills to break free from Codependency and Trauma BondingSpecial Offer:

I’m opening the doors for 20 individuals ready to upgrade their relational and magnetic game.
The first 10 registrants will receive a 1-1 integration call with me, valued at $997, for free.
This session will help you implement what you’ve learned and identify any missing blind spots.

This is for those serious about mastering the art of secure attachment,
enough to want to teach it to their children.

Register now, fill out the form, and share your backstory so I can tailor the experience to your needs.

Take the first step towards becoming Trigger-Proof and transforming your relationships.

(REGISTER NOW to secure your spot and grab a 1-1 integration session)

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