Do This If You’Re Breaking Up

Breaking up is hard.

But let’s face it—
healing from a breakup when you’re stuck in self-blame
feels like training for a marathon
when you’ve spent the last decade binge-watching Netflix.

It’s brutal.
It’s exhausting.

And it’s mostly because you’re not just mourning the person—
you’re grieving the story you’ve been telling yourself about love,
worthiness, and your place in the world.

’ll give you an exercise in a moment-- to begin to turn this around.

First, let’s talk about you.
Because chances are,
you’ve been using relationships
like a Band-Aid on a deep, unhealed wound.

• You mistake longing for love.
• You confuse their distance with your failure.
• You blame yourself for not being “enough,”
  while forgetting that their behavior had nothing to do with you.

Tell me if any of this is relatable.

You find yourself rehashing every detail of the relationship, asking:

• Was it me?
• Should I have tried harder?
• Why do I always end up in this cycle?
•  Am I too broken to love?
• Am I doomed to be alone?

Meanwhile, you cling to social media like it’s your lifeline—
scrolling through their photos, dissecting their captions,
and wondering if their new haircut is a cry for help or a glow-up.

(Spoiler: it’s neither. Stop stalking.)

Consider the possibility that YOU DIDN’T FAIL.

You were simply chasing validation in all the wrong places.

And guess what?

This isn’t your fault.

You were never taught how to love WITHOUT losing yourself.

You were conditioned to see relationships as the solution to your pain.

The good news is,
You CAN unlearn that conditioning.

Healing isn’t about finding someone to fill the void.

It’s about finally addressing the void ITSELF.

When you master the skills to become Trigger-proof,
you start healing from the inside out,
and everything changes:

• You stop chasing people who breadcrumb you.
• You stop sacrificing your needs to keep the peace.
• You learn to sit with your feelings instead of numbing them
  with late-night texts and reruns of Friends.

Here’s what that looks like in action— you can start this now:

• Self-Compassion: Treat yourself like someone you actually like.
  Imagine that.
• Boundaries: No contact. No socials.
  (Your ex isn’t a Netflix series—stop binging them.)
• Anger: Let yourself feel it.
  Write them a rage letter. Just don’t send it.
• Discernment: Learn the difference between loving someone
  and tolerating their crap.

The best part:

When you heal your attachment wounds and regulate your nervous system,
you become unshakable:
This is what it means to become Trigger-Proof:

You attract people who match your WORTH, not your wounds.

And you finally see relationships for what they’re meant to be:
a complement to your life—not a crutch.

A Shadow Work Exercise to Start Today:

Ask yourself:

• What did this relationship teach me about myself?
• What patterns am I seeing in how I show up in love?
• What would it feel like to truly meet my own needs
  before asking someone else to?

Write it down.
Feel the sting.

And then remind yourself:
This is the work that sets you free.

The saddest thing about breakups isn’t losing the other person.
It’s losing the version of yourself you could have become
if you used this pain as fuel for growth.

December 2018 I was there where you may be.

I knew I was done with this
exhaustive dance.

I was committed that this was my last time.

I woke up one day and said “enough.”

43 years old and time running out—
I was ready to experience secure love.

If you’re healing from a breakup,
just know that I see you.

As we embark on a New Year ahead of us,
my invitation is for you to reflect:

Are you ready to stop running in circles?

Are you ready to make this the moment
you broke the cycle for good?

With unfiltered belief in your ability to rise,
Your wingman on the adventure,

Nima