I Thought I Was Healed

After spending years healing my avoidant attachment
in romantic relationships—

somatic therapy,
shadow work,
nervous system regulation,
the whole deal—

I finally got to a place where I could actually stay.

I was no longer making mental lists of my partner's faults.
I wasn't keeping one foot out the door.
I could lean in when things got emotional
instead of finding reasons to leave.

I thought:
"I've done the work. I'm good now."

Then I looked at my business.

And realized I was anxiously attached to my clients.

Wait, what—
How does someone who's avoidant in relationships
become anxious in business?

Here's what it looked like:

Overdelivering to the point of exhaustion.
Saying yes when I wanted to say no.
Checking email compulsively, terrified I'd missed something.
Feeling responsible for other people's transformation.
Beating myself up if they weren’t happy.
Resentment building because
I was giving from an empty tank.

Terrified of hearing criticism or "no"—
so I didn't put myself out there or make any offers.

In my romantic life,
I'd learned to stay—
to not run when emotions got intense,
to not create distance through criticism.

But in my business—

I was running the opposite survival strategy.

Abandoning myself to keep clients happy.
Overgiving to prove my value.
Walking on eggshells to avoid disappointing anyone.
Hiding from visibility because rejection felt unbearable.

Here's what I've discovered
working with hundreds of high achievers
over the past year alone:

This split shows up in two ways—

Pattern 1: Avoidant in relationships → Anxious in business

You're self-reliant in love—
maybe even commitment-phobic,
emotionally distant,
always keeping one foot out.

But in your business—

You're overdelivering.
Undercharging.
Terrified of disappointing anyone.
Saying yes to everything.
Confusing your worth with how much you give.
So afraid of criticism you stay invisible.
Hiding.

Pattern 2: Anxious in relationships → Avoidant with your audience/clients

You're the pursuer in love—
checking phones,
needing reassurance,
afraid of abandonment.

But in your business—
You go from feeling confident to pushing people away
right when they need to go deeper.

Sabotaging opportunities that require more visibility.
Creating distance when your client need more of you.

Pull back when things start to feel "too much."
Judge clients who are "too needy"
or "not getting it fast enough."

Same wound.

Different survival strategies in different contexts.

Because here's the thing:

Your attachment style doesn't live in just one place.
It lives in your nervous system.

It’s how you react to distress.

And your nervous system will use whatever strategy
it thinks will keep you safe in whatever context you're in.

For me—
In relationships, I learned early:

"Don't get too close.
People leave.
Keep an exit plan."

So I became avoidant—
craving connection but pulling away when I got it.

In business, I learned:

"Your worth is your value to others.
Don't be replaceable.
Be indispensable."

So I became anxious—
constantly proving my value through performance,
terrified of being seen as "not good enough."

For others I work with—

They learned in relationships:
"Love is earned through pursuit.
If you stop chasing, they'll leave."

So they became anxious—
constantly seeking reassurance in love.

But in business:
"Success means independence.
Don't need anyone. Be self-sufficient.
Never ask for –or ever show you need help"

So they became avoidant—
pushing away the very people who want to support them.

The exhausting part is that
You can heal one arena and still be stuck in another.

Because the wound isn't about the relationship or the business.

It's about whether you've learned that you're valuable just by existing—

Not by staying distant to protect yourself.
Not by overgiving to earn your place.
Not by chasing to prove you're worthy.
Not by pushing away to stay safe.
Not by hiding to avoid rejection.

Just by being.

I'm doing a live Q&A webinar next week specifically on this topic:

Trigger-Proof: Healing Attachment Styles in Love AND Leadership

Because becoming Trigger-Proof
isn't just about your romantic relationships—

It's about how you show up everywhere.

In your business.
With your clients.
With your team.
With your audience.
With your family.
With yourself.

If you've done the work in one area of your life
but you're still exhausted, resentful,
sabotaging opportunities,
hiding from visibility,
or feeling like you have to earn your place—

This might be the missing piece.

I'll share:

• Why your attachment style can show up differently in different contexts
• The exact patterns for both anxious and avoidant attachment in business
• How to recognize when you're leading from fear vs. secure leadership
• The nervous system shifts that create sustainable success
• How I moved from extraction energy to contribution energy in my business

It's $25 for the live session,
Hosted by my friend Tara.

Intimate container.
Real-time Q&A.
Maximum 40 people.

When: Tuesday December 16th
from 4-5pm PST (7-8pm EST)

HERE is the link: 

Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima