Yesterday I shared how I healed my avoidant attachment in relationships—
Only to discover I was anxiously attached to my clients.
Had a bunch of replies asking:
"How do I know which pattern I'm running in my business?"
Great question so I thought I’d share
Because unlike romantic relationships—
where you can usually feel the anxiety or the distance—
Your business attachment patterns are sneaky.
They disguise themselves as:
"Professionalism"
"High standards"
"Good boundaries"
"Strong work ethic"
"Being selective"
Or as one public speaker told me:
“I’m a private person,
I don’t like social media”
But underneath—
He was terrified of being criticized publicly.
So his biz was stalled.
Your nervous system is running
the same survival strategies you learned decades ago.
Here's how to spot them:
If you're ANXIOUSLY attached to your work:
You check email/DMs constantly—
even on vacation, even at dinner, even at 2am.
You overdeliver to the point of exhaustion—
then resent people for not appreciating it enough.
You undercharge—
because you're terrified they'll say no
if you ask for what you're worth.
You say yes to everything—
even when it drains you,
even when you don't want to.
You feel responsible for other people's results—
and take it personally when they don't do the work.
You can't put yourself out there—
because criticism or rejection feels unbearable.
Your sense of self worth is tied to your performance—
so you're constantly proving yourself.
If you're AVOIDANTLY attached to your work:
You sabotage opportunities
right when they require deeper connection—
pulling back when your client clearly needs more of your presence.
You create "professional boundaries"—
that are actually walls to keep people at a distance.
You judge clients who are "too needy"
or "not getting it fast enough"—
(really, you're uncomfortable with their dependency on you–
the dependency you created for yourself initially when you started
– this one has been a painful lesson for me).
You prefer systems and automation—
not for efficiency, but to avoid dealing with people.
You pull away when things get "too real"—
ghosting opportunities that feel too vulnerable.
You keep one foot out—
always ready to pivot,
rebrand, or start over.
The kicker here is—
Both patterns keep you stuck.
Anxious attachment—
You burn out from overgiving and hiding.
Avoidant attachment—
You cap your income by pushing people away.
And here's what most people miss:
You can't think your way out of this.
You can know you're overdelivering—
and your mouth will still say yes
(even when your body is constricting).
You can know you're sabotaging—
and you still will pull away.
Because it's not a cognitive problem.
It's a nervous system problem.
Your body learned early:
"This is how you stay safe."
And until you teach your nervous system a new way—
You'll keep running the same pattern.
Different relationship.
Different client.
Different business.
Same wound.
That's why I'm doing this live Q&A webinar:
TriggerProof: Healing Attachment Styles in Love AND Leadership
Tuesday, December 16th 4-5pm PST /
7-8pm EST /
11am-12pm AEDT (Wed Dec 17)
This isn't a masterclass where I talk at you for an hour.
This is a live container hosted by my friend Tara
where you can:
Ask about your specific pattern
Get real-time guidance on what's keeping you stuck
Understand the nervous system work required to shift it
Learn how to recognize when you're operating from fear
vs. secure leadership
I'll share:
The exact moment I realized I was anxiously attached to my business
How to spot which pattern you're running (and why it made sense)
The somatic shifts that actually change the pattern (not just awareness)
Why traditional business coaching misses this completely
How to move from extraction energy to contribution energy
Investment: $25
Intimate container.
Real-time Q&A.
Maximum 40 people.
If this message landed in your body
before your mind made excuses—
That's the signal.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
