Jennifer was unable to have a successful, peaceful, secure romantic relationship
without allowing her anxieties and insecurities to sabotage it and push her partner away.
She has an anxious attachment style- constantly needing reassurance,
constantly struggling with feelings of abandonment when her partner needs space and time,
and although she is aware that everyone deserves to feel connection in their relationships,
she admitted that each time she is in a relationship— it’s the SAME argument that keeps coming up:
“Why aren’t you putting in the effort??? It feels like you don’t care, and I’m the last priority.”
What an exhausting place to be.
If you have found yourself there— just know that I see you.
You’re constantly second guessing yourself, reading books, talking to a therapist and having
them tell you to “find other hobbies” as a solution.
She also studied polarity too— to learn how to communicate in a more feminine way
to help produce a different outcome— to try to inspire more devotion in a man.
It definitely is helpful in the beginning.
Still— same anxiety— same frustration— same position with every guy, different hair cut.
While it’s important to create your own interests and passions,
and learning how to communicate in a more magnetic way is helpful,
the frustration of constantly finding herself in the same situation
had her shifting to the other extreme: Avoidance.
She was almost ready to give up.
“I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I’m in my mid 30’s
and I want to either learn how to break the cycle or just be single for the rest of my life.
I am done being the one to always have to chase.”
I hear stories like this every single day in my email inbox and my dm’s from
men and women who are so sick of being stuck in the chasing and waiting energy
that they have *almost* given up.
It’s like in my Chiropractic days— when people would reach out to me as a “last resort”
before throwing in the towel altogether.
On our blind spot call, from carefully listening to her story— she uncovered something massive:
It’s not about the men and their avoidance.
It’s about what was unresolved within her.
She realized an uncomfortable truth: We simply can NOT create a relationship
that feels fulfilling and nourishing without RESOLVING what was in the past.
She realized she’s carrying it all and she’s repeating the cycle.
Almost as if her younger parts were asking for her attention.
The attention she was craving from her partners.
It clicked for her.
At the Overview Experience, we cover all this along the 5 pillars needed for Secure attachment
and it was like a light bulb was set off— she realized going from that attachment blueprint
to a secure one wasn’t “therapy”— it was more like “training” and “conditioning” a muscle.
It was more of a “de-conditioning” of a way of being that began long before
she even had the language to describe what was going on.
Interestingly enough— Today— Jennifer is dating again, but things are completely different.
She’s no longer pining.
She’s not leading with her anxiety.
She’s able to share her boundaries—and what feels right to her-- and have them respected.
If they aren’t— SHE IS ABLE TO FLOW HER ENERGY AWAY.
Imagine what it would be like to no longer have to abandon your own needs for the sake of connection.
To have the confidence to know that you ARE worthy. You ARE deserving.
Jenny decided that it was possible— once she had her blind spot revealed.
The person who wrote this comment on my social media page has decided it’s NOT.
I could relate— because I myself was constantly failing with love- until I decided
that I was going to master and embody the pillars needed for me to become securely attached.
Today— I speak to you not as a retired chiropractor— but as a formerly insecurely attached man
who loves guiding others to breaking free from trauma bonds, healing codependency, and creating secure love.
You don’t have to live in the “chasing and waiting” energy.
You don’t have to swing to the opposite side and avoid relationships altogether.
You don’t have to cut people out of your life (unless they’re being abusive— then go right ahead.)
It’s simply as shift from “needing therapy” to “receiving training” and make the decision AS the secure person
you’re committing to becoming.
You deserve it.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
P.S. I’ve really enjoyed meeting my subscribers in these blind spot sessions.
If you are finally ready to discover what’s really been holding you back in your relationship dynamics,
and you’ve already invested in personal growth and therapy, and you’re open to seeing what you may be missing,
there’s an opportunity for a limited number of spots this week to hop on a free 30 minute zoom session.
No obligation.
Jennifer didn’t think she had any blind spots either—until she did.
Jennifer didn’t think she had any blind spots either—until she did.
And in just one conversation, she uncovered the hidden patterns driving her relationship frustrations.
What if you could do the same?
Imagine peeling back the layers of old wounds,
unconscious beliefs, and the conditioning that’s been keeping you stuck,
and finally stepping into a version of you that feels secure, confident, and worthy.
How to book it:
Send me your back story— giving me the details of the work you’ve done to resolve it.
What’s worked. What hasn’t.
Why now is the time.
Then finish with “Nima can I have a link to your private calendar?”
and if there are spots available— I’ll send the link over.
Thank you for being in my universe.
this is a fantastic article and advice and compassion — thank you for sharing!