Turning Point

December 2018.
I was 43 years old and miserable,
sitting alone in a rented room with my dog Lucy.

My condo?
On Airbnb to pay the bills.

My career?
On hold.

My life?
A mess.

I had achieved success in many areas of life—
but not the one that mattered most:

Love.

I was stuck in an abusive trauma bond,
trapped in a cycle of love-bombing,
breaking up, makeup sex, Push-pull dynamics
and arguments that left me hollow.

I couldn’t let go.
Neither could she.

We were both addicted to the chaos.

On the outside,
I looked like someone who had it all together.
But inside, I was a wreck.
I felt ashamed, disgusted, and defeated.

I feared that I would go to my grave
without ever knowing love that felt safe and secure.

Even worse, it wasn’t that I didn’t trust women to love me.
I didn’t trust MYSELF to pick the right partner,
let alone have what it took to be a stable father.

The pattern was unmistakable:

A divorce in 2011.
A series of failed relationships,
each one more toxic than the last.

And every single time,
I told myself the same story:
“It’s them, not me.”

I couldn’t live like this anymore.
I looked in the mirror and realized
the common denominator in every failed relationship:

Me.

And in that moment, I made a choice:

To put down the magnifying glass I’d been pointing at everyone else
and pick up the mirror.

To stop blaming my partners
and start asking myself the hard questions:

• Why was I so drawn to chaos?
• Why did I keep abandoning myself to rescue others?
• Why did I tolerate less than I deserved?

That was all on ME.

It was time to stop numbing, dissociating, and blaming.
It was time to uncover my blind spots.

It’s a very dark place to be in a codependent relationship.

It’s the place where:

• You sit, waiting for someone else to change, but they never do.
• You wake up every day with the weight of shame,
  knowing you’re stuck but too frozen to act,
  walking on eggshells around their moods.
• You scroll through your phone, numbing out,
  while resentment quietly eats you alive.
• You tell yourself you’re powerless
  because it’s easier than looking in the mirror.

I lived there for years.
Dissociating. Numbing.

Blaming the world, feeling like the victim.

But here’s the truth:

Staying stuck in that pit is a choice.

Like so many people,
I was trapped in a fawn response—
desperate to be liked, loved, and accepted,
creating a “false public self” to hide the insecurity
with success and sexual validation.

I made excuses for toxic behavior (both mine and hers).

I abandoned my own values to keep the fantasy alive.

I didn’t stand up for myself while my boundaries were trampled.

And it wasn’t just destroying my relationships—it was destroying me.
I was becoming reactive and on edge.

The hardest part was admitting that no one was coming to save me.
I couldn’t “delegate” this. I had to become someone different.

If I wanted a better reality,
I had to stop waiting for change to happen to me
and take responsibility for the energy I was bringing into my relationships.

That’s when I realized the power of exposing my blind spots, because

YOU CAN’T CHANGE WHAT YOU’RE UNWILLING TO SEE.

I went all-in.
It wasn’t easy.
I had to face the parts of myself I’d been avoiding for years.

I trained in Somatic Experiencing, Polyvagal Theory,
IFS, shadow work, and breathwork.

I discovered how I was using cognitive style-personal development
as a means of avoiding my feelings—
and how childhood trauma was wired into my nervous system,
replaying the same patterns in every relationship.

That’s when I realized:
Every time we get triggered in conflict,
we abandon ourselves—and blame the person in front of us.

The roots of codependent trauma bonds are buried deep in our childhoods.

This is where the concept of Becoming Trigger-Proof was born.

I committed to healing the root of my self-abandonment:
The fear of abandonment itself.

With the right guidance,
I rewired my inner world—
releasing the constant background anxiety
that drove me to seek validation through women and success.

I stopped abandoning myself for love.
I stopped chasing validation from others.
And for the first time, I built a relationship with me.

And that’s when everything changed.

A year later, I met Diana.

She wasn’t like anyone I’d dated before.
She was secure, grounded, healthy.

The old me wouldn’t have seen her value.
I would have called that “boring”
and gone chasing after chaos.

But this time, I was ready.

To feel like you’re stuck in quicksand,
sinking deeper every day.

But I’m here to tell you:

It doesn’t have to stay this way.
You can break free.
You can heal.
Next holidays CAN be different.

You can create a life—and a love—
that feels like a sanctuary.

It starts with taking responsibility.
It starts with putting down the magnifying glass
and looking in the mirror.

I’m proud of 2018 version of me
for stepping up, getting real with himself
and receiving help.

The version of you who feels stuck today
will one day thank you for taking that first step toward freedom.

You simply have to decide to have the courage to begin.

Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
(I stand for healed families)