If you’ve ever wanted to change your relationship,
and your partner wasn’t on board…
pay close attention.
Constant arguments,
feeling gaslit,
having your emotions invalidated.
When you give feedback— they jump and become defensive and tell you why you’re wrong.
You want to feel seen and heard and understood.
You’ve read all the books and done the podcasts,
and I am sure you’ve talked to a therapist or counsellor at least once,
But your partner is still like a brick wall.
If you’re going through all of these,
just know it’s not your fault.
There are unconscious forces at play that have brought the two of you together.
Unresolved childhood dynamics intertwining your story,
and you were NEVER given the tools to deal with it.
You didn’t have the awareness to become Trigger-Proof and create conscious polarity.
How could you have?
Look at the relationship of your parents.
Can you see any pattern here?
Can you see yourself reliving it with your family and children?
Luckily, with a short term plan of learning how to regulate your nervous system,
and a long term vision of mastering the conflict/repair cycle,
you won’t have to get anxious about the push-pull dynamic anymore.
You won’t have to settle for breadcrumbs.
You won’t have to go through constantly wondering “should I stay or go?”
Because you’ve learned how to turn conflicts into deeper intimacy.
You’ve learned to love yourself and KNOW your sense of self worth.
When you do— you’re able to leave a shitty situation that isn’t meeting you at the level you know you deserve.
Because we don’t have relationships based on what we desire.
We have relationships based on what we FEEL WE deserve.
You can’t change a stalemate in a relationship by trying to get the OTHER person to change.
It’s gotta begin internally— and you know it.
When you do, the other person treats you differently as a reflection of how you’re treating yourself differently.
Or, if they don’t, (as I shared in this video warning I made to men who refuse to do the work)
you will have the courage to leave.
Healing work is like weight loss…
Ideally you can get healthier as a couple.
But in reality, you don’t need the other person to do it with you.
It’s your own inner journey where ultimately the reward is feeling safer in your own skin,
no matter what’s happening on the outside.
That’s when the stalemate begins to move forward and you have access to what you truly want.
A secure relationship that has magnetism.
You deserve it.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima.
Can this apply to men and women wanting to be treated in a humane way? I will except if it is only for a covert man, not willing to examine the destruction he has caused, but are women susceptible to being covert to the destruction they can cause? I agree that a long time learning you can’t change another person, and if I want to learn, it’s hard to understand seeing the very thing “I” have been covert about and now admit and make no excuse for but know it’s my responsibility to learn to pursue the “whole person” how… Read more »
works both ways.