Let’s talk about a painful truth most people miss:
The traits we blame on others—
(This is called “shadow projection”)
Here’s what I mean:
If you identify as “anxious,” always chasing connection,
you probably think you’re the emotionally open one in relationships.
But when push comes to shove,
anxious folks are often blind to their own avoidant shadows.
You long for intimacy but avoid conflict.
You crave connection but push people away when you feel overwhelmed.
You say you want love but secretly fear the vulnerability it requires.
(ouch).
Sound familiar?
Stay with me.
It works the other way too.
For the avoidantly attached, the pattern looks a little different,
but the pain is the same.
You pride yourself on your independence,
But deep down, you’re secretly TERRIFIED OF REJECTION.
So you build walls, label them boundaries,
and convince yourself you’re just "protecting your peace."
But the truth is:
You, the “avoidant” is in a relationship with your anxious shadow.
The part of you that fears being left
- The avoidant retreats.
- The anxious chases.
- The anxious gets angry and shuts down.
- The avoidant feels smothered and withdraws further.
It’s a cycle of “I’ll reject you before you can reject me,”
and it’s exhausting.
It’s so sad because it doesn’t have to be this way.
Here’s how you know you’re stuck in this loop:
- You feel like no one gets close enough.
You feel lonely— even in partnership. - For the anxious: You’re always chasing,
but the connection never feels enough.
-
For the avoidant: You’re always retreating,
but you secretly wish someone would break through.
- You keep attracting the same type of partner.
- Your ex was “emotionally unavailable.”
So was the one before that.
And the one before that.
-
Different faces, same story.
-
You’re exhausted by the push-pull dynamic.
-
Every argument feels like a battle.
-
You find yourself asking, “Why can’t they just meet me halfway?”
- You feel trapped between wanting love and fearing it.
- Deep down, you don’t trust yourself to handle intimacy—or rejection.
- You call it “boundaries,” but it’s really AVOIDANCE.
- You shut people out.
You ghost.
You reject people before they have a chance to reject you.
This isn’t about your partner, your ex,
or the people you’re dating.
It’s about you.
Your nervous system learned long ago that love = danger.
Maybe it was growing up in a chaotic home.
Maybe it was witnessing broken relationships
or never having your emotional needs met.
Whatever the cause, the result is the same:
- If you’re anxious, you chase because you fear being left.
- If you’re avoidant, you retreat because you fear being hurt or smothered.
- And if you’re both (and yes, you can be both),
you’re stuck in a vicious cycle of longing and loneliness.
The truth:
Neither approach works and you know it.
You can’t fix this by blaming others.
The avoidant partner isn’t the problem.
The anxious partner isn’t the problem.
The real issue is the unresolved shame,
fear, and wounds running the show in the background.
When you finally put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror,
here’s what you’ll find:
- The anxious partner is your shadow,
showing you the parts of yourself that long to be seen. - The avoidant partner is your shadow,
showing you the parts of yourself that are terrified of vulnerability.
To break the cycle, you have to become the secure partner you’ve been longing for.
This isn’t easy, but it’s possible.
Imagine being able to:
- Navigate conflict with calm, instead of panic.
- Set boundaries that feel firm but not isolating.
- Express your needs without fear of rejection.
- NOT HAVING TO LIVE BASED ON DUTY AND OBLIGATION
from there, you’ll be able to notice something cool:
You co-create partnerships with people who meet you where you are—
because you’ve learned how to meet yourself.
This is what happens when you heal the shame and fear driving your attachment patterns
and become Trigger-Proof.
When you integrate your anxious and avoidant shadows,
something remarkable happens:
You become whole.
And when you’re whole, you don’t need someone to “complete you.”
That’s when real intimacy begins.
Only question that needs reflection:
Do I believe I deserve this or not?
With unwavering belief in your ability to break the cycle,
your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
or do they crumble when they matter most?
If you’ve been caught in the push-and-pull of avoidance and anxiety,
it’s time to uncover what’s really driving the disconnect.
An Intuitive Blind Spot Reading is your chance to:
- Spot the hidden patterns that turn boundaries into barriers—or leave you exposed.
- Uncover the attachment dynamics keeping you stuck in cycles of avoidance or conflict.
- Discover how to create boundaries that don’t just protect you but also invite intimacy.
It’s a 30-minute deep dive into the blind spots shaping your relationships—
and a roadmap to reclaim your connection with yourself and others.
Normally $497, this session is free for those who qualify.
Here’s how to get access:
- Comment or DM with your story—
what’s your biggest struggle with intimacy, boundaries, or connection? - Share what you’ve already tried, what has worked, and where you want to be.
- End your response with: “Nima, can I have your private calendar link?”
Let’s make 2025 the year you stop building walls
and start building relationships that are secure, magnetic, and deeply fulfilling.
Your guide on the side
Nima
