For years, I thought my ability to handle everything was my superpower.
I could anticipate what people needed before they asked.
I was the one who smoothed things over, who picked up the slack, who made sure everyone was okay.
It wasn’t just in business — it was everywhere.
But over time, something began gnawing at me.
The more I over-gave, the less I felt appreciated.
The more I took responsibility for everything, the more I felt invisible.
The more I held everything together,
the more I secretly resented the people around me.
And yet, the idea of doing less —
of not being the one who keeps everything running — felt impossible.
If this sounds familiar, I want you to hear something.
Your tendency to over-function,
to be the one everyone counts on,
For years, I thought my ability to handle everything was my superpower.
I could anticipate what people needed before they asked.
I was the one who smoothed things over, who picked up the slack, who made sure everyone was okay.
It wasn’t just in business — it was everywhere.
But over time, something began gnawing at me.
The more I over-gave, the less I felt appreciated.
The more I took responsibility for everything, the more I felt invisible.
The more I held everything together,
the more I secretly resented the people around me.
And yet, the idea of doing less —
of not being the one who keeps everything running — felt impossible.
If this sounds familiar, I want you to hear something.
Your tendency to over-function,
to be the one everyone counts on,
𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭.
It’s a learned survival response.
At some point — whether in childhood, early career, or a past relationship — you absorbed a message that 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬.
That being needed was the same as being wanted.
That taking up less space made you more lovable.
That if you didn’t handle things, everything might fall apart.
That you need to earn your right to exist or belong.
So you learned to step up.
You learned to hold it all together.
You learned to be strong, capable, and indispensable.
And now, if you are anything like I was,
you don’t know how to turn it off.
You know you’re overextending yourself,
but the moment you try to step back,
omething inside you panics.
You know you’re taking on too much,
but the thought of letting someone down feels unbearable.
Here’s why — it’s not about boundaries.
It’s about safety.
Your nervous system has linked your worth to your usefulness.
That’s why no amount of self-care,
positive affirmations,
or “just delegate more” advice has worked.
Because unless you shift this at the root level,
your body will always override your best intentions.
So how do you change this?
Here’s a simple exercise to start:
The Over-Functioning Reset
𝟏.𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐬.
The next time someone asks you for something — help, a favor, extra work — pause before you respond. Notice what happens in your body. Do you feel a pull to immediately say yes? A tightness in your chest? A fear of disappointing them?
𝟐.𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟: “𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐧𝐨, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧?”
Will they be upset? Will they think less of you? Will you feel guilty? Naming the fear helps you see what’s really driving the pattern. Take the time to feel into that possibility (this is the most challenging part and will take some practice to overcome the avoidance).
𝟑.𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐩𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞 (𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟).
Instead of “I have to do this or they’ll be disappointed,” try on something new:
°“I am valuable even when I’m not helping.”
°“Saying no doesn’t make me selfish — it makes me healthy.”
°“If they only value me for what I do, this isn’t a relationship I want to maintain.”
𝟒.𝐓𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐲.
Start with something low-stakes. Instead of giving an automatic yes, say, “let me get back to you on that,” and notice how it feels. Over time, your nervous system will start adjusting to the idea that you don’t have to prove your worth through over-giving.
This is just one piece of what I’ll be sharing in 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫-𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟 & 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐖𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝.
Inside this upcoming free masterclass, we’re going deeper into:
- How to unhook from the belief that your worth is tied to what you do for others.
- How to regulate your nervous system so you don’t go into guilt or panic when you set boundaries.
- How to shift from people-pleasing and over-functioning into confident, magnetic leadership.
- Letting go of “taking the lead” at home so you don’t have to abandon your femininity.
If you’ve been feeling stretched thin — giving more than you receive, holding everything together while feeling unseen — then you need to be there.
We go live 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐅𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝟔𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐭 𝟓:𝟑𝟎𝐩𝐦 𝐏𝐒𝐓 (𝟖:𝟑𝟎𝐩𝐦 𝐄𝐒𝐓).
That's 𝐓𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟐𝟕𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐭 𝟏𝟐:𝟑𝟎𝐩𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐲𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐲.
Click HERE to sing up
With compassion and clarity,
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
