But what if there is no ‘one’?

In my last blog post I talked about the myth of fairy tale romances…

Here’s another reason they’re so dangerous.

From an early age, we're told stories about finding 'the one.'
The perfect person who finally makes everything better.
Someone who “gets” us in ways no one else has,
fixes our loneliness,
heals all our wounds,
and fills in every crack that life has left behind.

Such a beautiful idea, isn’t it?
But here’s the hard truth:

The “magical other” is a lie.

See if this feels familiar:

You enter a relationship full of hope.
“This time, it’ll be different.”
They’re everything you ever wanted.
You feel alive, whole, unstoppable.

But over time, cracks start to form.
They don’t meet all your needs the way you thought they would.
They disappoint you.
They trigger you.
They seem to pull away when you need them most.

As this happens over and over again,
you start to wonder:

“Why can’t they love me the way I need to be loved?”
“Am I broken?”
“Am I unlovable?”

The pain is real,
but the root of the problem isn’t them.

It’s the illusion we carry into relationships—
the belief that someone else can complete us.

This belief starts early.
As kids, we look to our parents to meet all our needs.
When they can’t (because no one can),
we unconsciously carry that longing into adulthood.

(That’s why stories about finding “the one” are so popular.)

We search for someone to be the “perfect other”
and finally give us what we didn’t get as children.

But no one can carry the weight of your unmet needs.
No one can be the “magical other” who saves you.

And when you expect them to,
two things happen:

1️⃣ You unconsciously project
your childhood wounds onto them.
Your partner becomes the stand-in
for your unavailable parent,
and you replay the same dynamic
you’ve spent your life trying to escape.

2️⃣ When they inevitably fail
to meet your impossible expectations,
you fall into the push-pull dynamic
of resentment, blame,
and the silent erosion of intimacy.

Here’s the truth that gets stepped over:
Real love isn’t about finding someone to fix you.

It’s about finding someone to walk with you
as you take responsibility for healing yourself.

Imagine if instead of looking for a “magical other,”
you became the secure, self-aware version of yourself
who no longer needs someone else to complete them.

Think of how things would shift for you.

Imagine if you stopped projecting
your unmet needs onto a partner
and started meeting them within yourself.

Think of how that would shift your magnetism.

That’s where freedom begins.

Here’s the secret that’s likely not news to you:

The love you’re searching for starts with YOU.

When you take responsibility for your shadows,
you become Trigger-Proof.
You stop outsourcing your healing to someone else,
and end up creating the foundation for a secure,
fulfilling relationship.

I’m not saying this is easy.
It’s the hardest work I have ever done.
But it’s also the most liberating.

I’ve seen it in my own life and in the lives of my clients.
It’s the difference between relationships that feel like a battlefield
and relationships that feel like home.

If you’ve ever felt the pain of unmet expectations,
if you’ve ever wondered why love feels so complicated,
stay tuned.

In my next blog post, we’re going to dive into the power struggle—
how unconscious dynamics lead to conflict,
and what you can do to shift them.

Spoiler alert:
It’s not about blaming your partner,
or even blaming yourself.

It’s about learning the tools to create real connection—
connection that isn’t based on fantasy,
but on truth, trust, and growth.

Until then,
remember this:
You are not broken.
You are whole, and you are worthy of love.

The real work is just learning how to see it.

With compassion and a commitment
to breaking cycles that didn’t start with us,

Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima