If you’re a leader who wants to grow,
Here’s how to avoid this same mistake.
I had a client earlier this year—
we'll call her Denise—
who runs a seven-figure company.
Successful.
Driven.
Making more money than most people dream about.
And completely numb to the fact that
her business manager had been stealing from her for over a year.
High achievers have a specific blind spot:
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗲,
𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁.
The gap between what you can achieve professionally
versus what you can handle emotionally isn't about weakness in character.
𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲.
And if we're being honest,
you’ll notice it everywhere right now:
The employee who isn't performing
but you can't seem to let go (you don’t want to be the bad guy).
The client who crosses every boundary
and you keep making excuses for them, or you don’t speak up.
The family member who you can’t say no to.
The conversation you need to have but keep postponing.
The physical exhaustion that no amount of sleep seems to fix.
I was never told this about growth in my life or business:
𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹,
𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆:
𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗦𝗧: 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵.
Think of this as neuroscience instead of a philosophical debate.
When Denise's was tipped off a year earlier that
"your manager is stealing from you,"
she didn't want to look.
Not because she was stupid.
Because looking meant disruption she didn't have capacity for.
(Think of the NBA player’s wife that turns a blind eye
to her husband’s infidelity because
she doesn’t want to give up the lifestyle and fame).
Denise had a new baby.
A struggling marriage.
A house.
A business supposedly running itself.
Her manager "rescued" her by running everything—
and Denise felt indebted to her.
Think of the guilt of indebtedness
as an eight-year-old part of her that learned:
I have to rescue others to be worthy.
I have to perform to be lovable.
The same pattern that made her successful
was the exact reason she couldn't see what was right in front of her.
I've been studying this somatic psychology since 2019,
after I found myself staying in a relationship
(where we were both abusive to each other) despite being trained as a healer.
I've since worked with hundreds of high achievers
facing the same paradox—
and there's a very specific system to break through it.
𝗦𝗘𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗗: 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆
𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳.
When Denise finally looked at the books,
she discovered roughly $100,000 missing.
The old Denise would have spiraled.
Blamed herself.
Maybe even kept the employee on because of guilt.
But something had shifted in her nervous system.
Instead of collapsing into "how could I let this happen,"
she saw it clearly:
"What she took was worth it for what I learned."
She had to fire an employee (who was also a family member)
earlier that year—
a brutal boundary that left her feeling sad at family outing
when they wouldn't engage with her.
Through the work of becoming Trigger-Proof,
she'd already been expanding her capacity
for people being displeased with her.
It’s not fun being seen as the bad guy.
And now, facing $100k in theft,
she wasn't over-run with anger any more.
She was calm.
𝗦𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻.
Here's what her business coach asked her:
"Based on the numbers, is what she took worth it for you?"
Without hesitation: "Yeah. Yeah it is."
Because that $100k bought her:
• A guilt-free exit from an employee who wasn't right
• Proof that her business made so much money she didn't even
notice it missing
• The story that will make her more money than she lost
• The capacity to finally run her business like the CEO she is
The transformation didn't come from any business strategy.
It came from nervous system work that addressed
where the pattern was actually stored—in her body.
If you've hired the coaches,
read the books, built the systems,
and you're STILL tolerating people who shouldn't be in your business…
Or you hide from visibility because of the fear of being judged…
𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.
It's because knowing isn't embodying.
You can understand you need boundaries intellectually
and still feel guilty setting them.
You can know someone's not right for your business
and still keep them because firing them feels worse than keeping them.
You can want to grow but unconsciously sabotage it
because your nervous system doesn't feel safe at that level.
Before you hire that next person,
have that confrontation,
or make that big move, ask yourself:
1. Am I avoiding this because my nervous system genuinely
doesn't feel safe—even though logically I know I should do it?
2. Do I feel indebted to someone who's actually draining my
business?
3. Am I choosing comfort over truth because I can't handle the
guilt?
4. Is my inability to set boundaries costing me more than the
boundary would?
5. Am I ready to feel uncomfortable in order to break through?
If the answer is no to any one of these, you'll keep cycling.
The cognitive work got you 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲.
𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚.
You gotta go deep, because success and growth aren’t for the faint of heart.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
