How I Became Emotionally Trigger-Proof: A Transformation Story

If you’ve spent years on personal growth—
books, seminars, courses, even therapy—
and still find yourself struggling with the same patterns,
you’re not alone.

I know this because I was there too.

Landmark. NLP.
Polarity courses.
Masculine/Feminine communication workshops.
Byron Katie.
John Demartini.

You name it, I’d tried it.

I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars chasing transformation,
convinced that if I could just fix myself enough,
I’d finally feel worthy, confident, and free—
and have a healthy relationship with someone I wasn’t so avoidant with.

What I didn’t know:

None of these cognitive methods ever taught me
how to break free from the deeper, more invisible chains—
the ones I couldn’t think or talk my way out of.

The ones that were there long before I had the language to describe it.

They didn’t teach me how to process my anger,
disappointment, or frustration in real time —
without reacting and making things worse.

They didn’t teach me the difference
between my intuition and a trauma response.

They didn’t teach me how to respond
to the chaos in my relationships instead of getting sucked into it.

And they definitely didn’t teach me
how to break free from the grip of codependency,
trauma bonds and enmeshment.

It wasn’t until I stepped back and asked a critical question:

Why is all this personal development
still leaving me stuck in the same emotional loops?

The answer was shocking.

Because I was trying to learn these skills the wrong way.
I had a critical piece that was missing:

Embodiment practice.

It’s like trying to teach firefighters how to battle a blaze
by handing them a book or having them vent in a therapy session.

Sure, the theory might make sense—
but when the heat is on,
theory won’t put out the flames.

What firefighters need are fire drills.
They need to practice—over and over again—
until responding with poise to a fire becomes second nature.

The same is true for relationships,
emotional regulation, and healing attachment wounds
especially where codependency is concerned.

This is what so many of us have been missing:
the nuance,
the subtle distinctions,
the embodied practice.

You can’t just read about secure relationships
or watch a video on emotional regulation
and expect your nervous system to magically fall in line.

These are high level SKILLS—
and they must be practiced in real time,
much like a dance.

You can’t learn the Tango from a podcast.
You have to feel your way through it,
making adjustments,
stumbling,
and finding your rhythm until it becomes natural.

That’s the missing piece most personal development programs
and weekly talk therapy sessions don’t address.

ShoSho's story is a perfect example.
She had done it all—Landmark, coaching, seminars,
and still found herself feeling like she was crawling through a desert.
She described her nervous system
as being in a constant state of hypervigilance,
consumed by global anger and self-doubt.

Anything you try to learn under that context doesn’t quite land, does it.

“I didn’t realize how much of my life was being run by unprocessed emotions,”
she said. “This course was like a buffet of well-curated,
nutrient-dense items I didn’t know I needed but had been starving for.”

Through the work, ShoSho didn’t just learn new concepts.
She rewired her nervous system,
discovered how to process her emotions instead of shutting them down
or being consumed by them, integrated her shadows,
and met the parts of herself she was using courses and seminars
to try to destroy, and as a result she was able to
build the capacity to respond to life’s challenges without losing herself.

Her relationship with her aging mother completely shifted.

She stopped using personal growth as a covert form of self-hate
and started practicing compassion,
self regulation, and connection—

things no book or seminar could teach her.

This is the work of becoming Trigger-Proof.