Listening To Your Shadow

Every broken heart tells two stories.

The one we see on the surface–
the arguments,
the distance,
the painful endings.

But there’s a deeper story underneath…
the one our pain is desperately trying to tell us.

And something amazing happens when we listen...

First, see if you resonate with this:

The late-night arguments that leave you drained…
The passive-aggressive silences that gnaw at your heart…
The unmet expectations that feel like proof you’ll never be enough…

They’re not just random storms wreaking havoc on your love life.
They’re your shadow whispering (or maybe screaming):

“Look here. This is where you’re stuck.”

Allow me to explain further.

See if this feels familiar:

• You feel like you’re giving and giving,
  but no matter what, it’s never enough.
• You’ve built up walls for protection,
  but now they feel more like a prison.
• You’ve tried to keep the peace
  by avoiding the hard conversations,
  but the silence has only grown louder.
• You feel like you're the only one
  holding things together—
  and you wonder how long you can keep doing it.

And the deepest, darkest thought you can barely admit to yourself:
“Maybe I’m just not meant for this. Maybe love isn’t for me.”

But that’s not it at all:

You’re not “bad” at relationships.
You’ve just been conditioned for chaos.

Most of us learned about love in a way that set us up to fail.

• We learned that love means losing ourselves
  to please someone else.
• We learned to fear abandonment so deeply
  that we’ll cling to anyone who makes us feel seen—
  even if it’s toxic.
• We learned to associate pain with passion,
  mistaking chaos for connection.

But that’s not even the worst part…

We were never taught how to navigate the hard stuff:

• How to stay grounded when emotions feel like tidal waves.
• How to break free from the subconscious patterns
  we’ve been playing out since childhood.
• How to truly love ourselves first,
  so we stop seeking validation from people who can’t give it.

Instead, we were thrown into relationships,
hoping to figure it out as we go—
like being dropped in the middle of the ocean and told to swim.

I remember dealing with this 5 years ago…
I felt such shame because even though I was highly educated,
smart and successful– I still felt like a f*ck-up with love.

But since I discovered shadow work–
since I learned to listen to my pain–
things are very different now.

That’s why I can tell you with great certainty:

The breaking point you’re at right now can also be your turning point.

Because here's the thing:

The pain you're feeling isn’t punishment.
It’s the path.

It’s showing you exactly where the inner work needs to be done.

• That argument that triggered you–
  It’s pointing to a wound you haven’t healed.
• That disappointment in your partner–
  It’s a reflection of a need you’ve been ignoring in yourself.
• That loneliness, even when you’re together–
  It’s a sign that you’ve lost touch with the most important connection of all:
  The one you have with YOU and your younger self.

Try this:

The next time you’re in the thick of it—
when you feel your heart racing,
your chest tightening,
and the words you’ll regret later bubbling up—
pause and ask yourself:

• “What does this moment remind me of– how old do I feel?”
• “What am I really feeling right now–underneath the anger?”
• “What part of me is asking to be seen, held, or heard?”

You might be surprised by the answers.

Because the truth is, your partner isn’t your enemy.
Your emotions aren’t your enemy.
Your triggers aren’t your enemy.

They’re the roadmap.

The only question to ask is:

Are you ready to learn how to follow it?

Imagine waking up tomorrow,
knowing you don’t have to keep repeating the same painful patterns.

Imagine a love that feels safe, steady, and nourishing—
not because you found someone perfect,
but because you’ve become the version of yourself
who can create that kind of love.

The one who’s Trigger-Proof.
Who isn’t constrained by the fear of abandonment.

This is the work.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
And it starts with one simple question:

“What is this pain trying to teach me?”

With courage and clarity,
Your wingman on the adventure,

Nima