Set up by our storybooks

Think about the idea of a “fairy tale romance.”

You may know the story - two people meet and sparks fly.
They “complete” each other.
Love flows effortlessly and nothing ever goes wrong.

Sounds wonderful.

But here’s the part we don’t hear:

Fairy tale romance only works in fairy tales.

See if this feels familiar:

You meet someone who seems perfect.
The chemistry is intoxicating.
It’s fun, light, exciting—
but then the honeymoon phase ends.

Suddenly, the little quirks that you adored
start to irritate you.
The little quirks that they adored
start to irritate them.

The connection feels strained.
Arguments start to creep in.
And without knowing how it happened,
you find yourself wondering:

“Why can’t we just go back
to the way it was in the beginning?”

The truth is,
You didn’t sign up for the love you thought you did.
You unknowingly signed up for a fantasy.

A fantasy where love didn’t require work,
communication came naturally,
and conflict didn’t exist.

A fantasy where you didn’t have to understand
your past trauma and its impact on the relationship.

But love, REAL love, isn’t a fairy tale.

It’s not always effortless.
It’s not free of challenges.
It doesn’t mean your partner is there to “complete” you.

What makes love real is the work behind the scenes—
the inner work of meeting your own shadows,
your unmet needs, and your unrealistic expectations.

The silent truth people don’t like to talk about:

Most relationships don’t fall apart because of toxic people.
They fall apart because of the fantasies we carry into them.

Here’s why - most of us were never taught how to navigate love beyond the fairy tale.

We weren’t taught how to handle the silent shadows—
projections, transference, and unmet childhood needs
that sabotage connection when the honeymoon ends.

All of this might feel overwhelming—
But here’s the good news:

You CAN learn.

You CAN learn to break free from these unconscious patterns.
You CAN learn to recognize your shadows instead of projecting them.
You CAN learn to create love that feels safe, secure, and real.

The best relationships don’t happen by accident.
They happen when both people are willing to do the work—
on the relationship AND on themselves.

The journey begins within.

I know this because I’ve been there.
For years, I lived in the cycle of chasing the fairy tale,
only to wake up in the pain of reality.

It wasn’t until I faced my shadows

and healed my relationship with myself
that I discovered what real love could be.

If this resonates with you,
I want you to know that there’s a way out of the cycle.

In my upcoming From Chaos to Connection mini-course,
I’ll show you how to:

• Uncover the silent shadows sabotaging your relationships.
• Break free from the push-pull dynamic of anxious and avoidant attachment.
• Stop living the fantasy and start creating secure, fulfilling love.

Over three weeks, we’ll dive into the skills and tools
you were never taught—
tools to navigate the reality of love with confidence and clarity.

Stay tuned, because in my next post,
we’ll talk about the “magical other” fantasy—
the idea that someone else can save us.

Until then, remember this:
You don’t need to settle for chaos.
You don’t need to give up on love.

You just need the right tools to make it work.
With compassion and clarity,

Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima