Alicia, in tears, was wrestling with feelings of failure over her healing journey.
The setbacks felt overwhelming, like all her progress had crumbled in an instant.
She was drowning in self-judgment,
unable to shake the guilt of her anxious attachment resurfacing.
She loathed how she seemed to slip back into old habits—ruminating,
jumping to conclusions, criticizing, and clinging to control when triggered.
Constantly second guessing herself and showing up in needy energy.
She realizes she reacts in the exact opposite way that inspires him to connect—
by being critical and controlling.
Alicia, a single mother stepping back into the dating world
after healing from a Trauma Bond,
was fiercely determined to show up differently this time.
No more self-abandonment.
No more compromising her worth for connection.
In our cyclebreakers community,
we talk about the two essential phases of healing from trauma bonds and the anxious/avoidant cycle:
1) the inner restoration and 2) the relational practice.
1) Think of the the INNER RESTORATION as the self work needed to grieve, heal, rest, and recover where
we find our self worth and repair with the parts of ourselves we abandoned and neglected
for the sake of connection.
This part is the most confronting for our participants because almost everyone starts off in therapy
diagnosing their partners as narcissists, but they neglect to take ownership
for why they were the PERFECT MATCH for someone like that.
Hint: It all begins with a lack of self worth, and an identity that’s been groomed
from childhood to abandon yourself when it comes to love.
To not speak up.
To have no idea how to share boundaries in an elegant way.
It wasn’t until Alicia mastered the first phase—
reclaiming her worth and making peace with the parts she’d neglected—
that she realized why she’d been a perfect match for unavailable partners.
This first part is CRITICAL if you ever want to get to the place where you
are ready to let love back into your life.
It’s in the second part she felt she was struggling with a setback on her healing journey:
2) Part 2 RELATIONAL PRACTICE- is the work that can only be done WITHIN RELATIONSHIP.
The fantasy is that a secure relationship is where we meet this "magical other”
who single handedly rids us of all our childhood complexes and insecurities.
That meeting the right person signals that our work is done.
Wrong.
This is where the REAL WORK begins.
Healing isn’t a straight path; it’s more like building a bridge while standing on it.
The structure wobbles, and there are moments when it feels like it might all come crashing down.
But each stumble is a step in learning.
This is where I discovered how important it was to become Trigger-Proof.
The moment you step into a new relationship,
expect those hidden triggers to resurface.
The old doubts, the insecurities, the child-like reactions that scream for safety—
it’s all part of the real work.
And that’s where many mistake it as a “setback."
But it’s not.
It’s when the real practice begins.
The somatic practice of un-coupling from the identity of the needy child,
and truly embodying the healthy, functional adult self.
Your magnetic, adult self isn’t labelling your triggers as a “setback” on your healing journey.
Your triggers are not IN the way.
Your triggers ARE ON the way.
When you master this nuanced dance,
You rebound back to adult self much quicker.
You’re less reactive.
You’re more magnetic.
More authentic.
More vulnerable.
and this is IRRESISTIBLE to a secure connection,
because intimacy doesn’t mean PERFECTION.
It means “being real” — and there’s nothing more attractive than the real authentic you.
Unfortunately without doing the deep work of #1 and #2,
You get stuck in a loop in your reactive self.
And your reactive self is a cover up for the vulnerable, magnetic, authentic self underneath.
Underneath the mask.
Underneath all the shame.
Underneath the addictions to alcohol, sex, substances, shopping, and external validation.
And the good news is— you CAN gain access to that authentic version of you.
You DO have the capacity.
The only thing in your way is your WILLINGNESS.
The willingness to practice.
The willingness to learn.
The willingness to reframe each “setback’ on your healing journey to a “learning”.
Because healing is learning.
And learning is forgetting, until you practice enough and it becomes second nature.
Alicia’s journey didn’t end with that moment of tears.
On the group training, she was able to shift her focus and reframed her 'setback' as part of her practice,
and began to rebuild herself, one intentional moment at a time.
The result was spectacular— A profound shift toward embodying secure love.
Because learning to love and be loved securely is not just a skill—it’s the most important skill we can master.
Tell me what’s more important than that.
Your wingman on your adventure to learning,
Nima
P.S. Remember, every perceived 'setback' is really an invitation to deepen your practice.
If you’re ready to uncover what’s been holding you back and take your journey to the next level,
share your story with me. If you’re willing to receive some humbling, no BS feedback that’s real on the energy you’re putting out,
—ask for my calendar link, and let’s see what breakthroughs await for a free, no obligation intuitive blind spot session.
Here’s what I will need FIRST:
Comment/inbox with your backstory. Here’s what I’d like to know:
• What have you already tried in terms of therapy or personal development?
• What patterns or behaviors do you feel stuck in?
• What do you think your biggest blind spots might be?
• Why do you feel ready now to see these blind spots and make a change?
The more details you share, the clearer our starting point will be.
FINISH YOUR STORY WITH “NIMA CAN I PLEASE GET A LINK TO YOUR PRIVATE CALENDAR?”
