The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing (And How to Reclaim Yourself)

There’s a hidden cost to seeking approval.

It seems innocent at first.

You want to make sure you’re making the right decision,

that no one is upset, and that the people closest to you
support your choices.

But notice what happens when that approval doesn’t come.

If you’ve been living your life waiting for someone to say,

“Yes, you’re on the right path,” this message is for you.

The Silent Trap
I had a client once who desperately wanted to heal

her relationship with herself, her husband,

and with her unresolved past.

She was a fawner, people pleaser,

and that created a lot of friction in her life.

They had fallen into the usual cycles—

resentment, withdrawal, miscommunication.

She knew the work we were doing could be the key to turning things around.

She was committed.

She even signed up and had a life changing insight at the Overview Experience.

But the minute her husband showed indifference,

she hit the brakes.

He wasn’t excited about her choice in healing.

He didn’t think people should be receiving help
and they should just figure it out on their own.

He didn’t see the value.
So she pulled away.

And this isn’t a story about judgment—

it’s a story about how easily we abandon our own needs

when they’re not validated by others.

See if this sounds familiar:

• You constantly need other people’s opinions to make a decision.
• You’ve held back your truth to avoid “rocking the boat.”
• You’ve sacrificed your well-being to keep the peace.

It’s not because you’re weak.
It’s because, somewhere along the way,

you learned that approval equals safety.

Ever wondered where this belief comes from?
Let’s rewind.

As children, many of us grew up in environments

where love and approval felt conditional.
We were praised when we behaved,

and criticized harshly and reactively when we didn’t.

The message we internalized was clear:

You’re only safe when others are happy.

This survival strategy served you then.
Unfortunately, now It’s keeping you stuck in patterns like:

• Saying yes when you mean no.
• Avoiding difficult conversations.
• Shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s expectations.

And here’s the kicker—even when the approval comes, it’s never enough.
Have you ever wondered why?

Because external validation is a bottomless pit.

What you’re really craving isn’t their approval—it’s your own.

There’s a huge cost to “waiting for permission”.

Every time you wait for someone else to validate your choices,

especially for healing— you:

• Delay the freedom that comes with setting boundaries.
• Postpone the peace of living authentically.
• Risk staying stuck in relationships that drain you.

Imagine this:
You’re standing at the edge of a cliff,

knowing you have wings but waiting for someone to tell you it’s safe to fly.

What if they never do?
Consider the possibility that others' hesitation

is rooted in their own fears—

fears they’ll never conquer.

Will you let their doubts dictate your destiny?

Let me offer you this reframe:
Approval-seeking is a habit, not a life sentence.

And like any habit, it can be broken—

if you’re willing to do the work.

Start here:

1.Pause.
The next time you feel the need for external validation, pause.
Ask yourself, “Whose approval am I really seeking, and why?”

2.Reconnect.
Place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly.
Breathe deeply and ask yourself:
“How old does this part of me feel?”

3.Decide.
Take a small step towards this part of you and let them know:

“I got you. We no longer need anyone’s permission.You are my priority".

Because here’s the truth:

Healing doesn’t require their permission. It only requires yours.

You can rewire this conditioned tendency to betray yourself.
When you choose yourself, some neat things start to happen:

• You’ll stop abandoning yourself to avoid disappointing others.
• You’ll set boundaries that feel empowering, not guilt-inducing.
• You’ll create relationships built on respect, not control.

This is what’s possible when you stop waiting for their approval

and start living in alignment with your truth.

You’re closer than you think.

A final thought:
The hardest part of this journey isn’t the work itself—

it’s trusting that you’re worthy of the transformation.

But you are.
And if you’re ready to stop waiting for permission,

you’ll find the courage you need on the other side of that decision.

You just have to take the first step.

With love and unwavering belief,

Your wingman on the adventure,

Nima