The Hidden Reason Your Relationships Keep Failing (And How to Fix It)

It’s not easy to admit this,
but there was a time in my life when
I was stuck in a never-ending nightmare.

My previous relationship was a rollercoaster of intensity.
The highs of passion and the
lows of volatility were way too close to each other.

We loved hard, and we fought harder.

I’m ashamed to say it now,
but in the chaos,
I became someone I didn’t recognize.

I thought of myself as the calm, grounded one.

But the truth is
I became reactively abusive, too.

The shame of that was unbearable.
It crushed the image I had of myself
as someone “better than this.”

I didn’t want to face it,
so I pointed fingers, I blamed.
I told myself,
“If they would just stop,
and respect my boundaries
I’d finally have peace.”

But the arguments escalated,
and the wounds cut deeper.

It wasn’t until March 11, 2018,
when everything came crashing down,
that I finally realized:

This wasn’t about them.
This was about me.

I had been dragging my own unresolved shadows
into every relationship,
replaying the same dynamic,
with different people,
over and over again.

I knew something had to change.

That’s when I turned to somatics and shadow work—
I needed to understand where these patterns
were coming from.

I didn’t want to carry my reactivity, my wounds,
my shame, into my next relationship.

I didn’t want to be the guy
who couldn’t keep his emotions in check,
the guy who was so caught up in his own pain
that he couldn’t see past it to create real intimacy.

So I got to work.

And let me tell you,
shadow work isn’t for the faint of heart.

It’s about looking into the darkest corners of yourself—
the parts you’d rather not admit exist. Parts like:

• The part of me that couldn’t handle criticism
  because deep down, I felt unworthy.
• The part of me that lashed out in anger
  because I never learned how to process pain.
• The part of me that desperately craved validation
  but pushed it away the moment it came too close.

Shadow work forced me to ask the hard questions:

• Why do I react the way I do?
• What unhealed wounds am I carrying
  into my relationships?
• What am I blaming others for
  that I need to take responsibility for?

It was uncomfortable.
Painful, even.

But it was also liberating.

Fast forward to today,
and my relationship with Diana
looks nothing like the chaos of my past.

Do we still argue?
Of course.
But now, those moments
don’t spiral into emotional warfare.

Instead of yelling or shutting down,
we listen.
We breathe.
We pause and ask,
“What’s really going on here?”

We repair.

Because here’s what I learned:

You can’t resolve conflict with someone else
until you’ve resolved the conflict within yourself.

Shadow work gave me that gift.

It taught me how to:

• Regulate my emotions, so I don’t react from old wounds.
• See my partner’s triggers as a reflection of their pain,
  not an attack on me.
• Create space for connection,
  even in the middle of disagreement.

The love Diana and I share isn’t built on a fantasy.
It’s built on the kind of clarity, trust, and mutual respect
that only comes from doing the deep, uncomfortable work.

That’s why I’m so passionate about teaching this to others.

Because I know what’s possible when you do the work.

I’ve seen the transformation in my own life
and in the lives of countless clients:

• People who stopped chasing love and started creating it.
• Couples who turned toxic dynamics into thriving partnerships.
• Individuals who finally felt at peace in their own skin,
  and no longer were driven by anxiety and the fear of abandonment.

And I want that for you, too.

Why Shadow Work Works

Here’s the truth:
Most relationship advice
focuses on surface-level solutions.

Two people arguing to mom (the therapist)
over who is “right”. 

But shadow work goes deeper.
It helps you uncover and heal the unconscious patterns
that sabotage your relationships,
and pull you into familiar patterns (familiar = “like family”)
so you can finally break free from the cycle.

The patterns you’re stuck in didn’t start with you.
But with the right tools,
they can end with you.

You’re not broken.
You’re not doomed.
And you’re not alone.

With clarity and compassion,
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima