Betrayal: The Pattern You Can’t See

I’m going to spend the next couple weeks of content
talking more about betrayal, 
because I heard something last month that stopped me in my tracks.
I was consulting with someone—let's call her Sophia.

Brilliant woman.
Runs a 7-figure business.
Highly respected in her community.

Almost with tears in her eyes, she said:
"I've been cheated on by the last three people I've dated.
I’m wondering what it is about me that keeps repeating this."

Her friends had already given her the usual advice:

"You're picking the wrong people."
"You need to be more vigilant."
"Maybe you work too much."

But here's what hit me:
Sophia wasn't experiencing a string of bad luck.
She was caught in an invisible pattern—
one that was so precisely engineered by her nervous system
that it felt like fate.

And if you've experienced repeated betrayal,
(even if it was one time)
you might be caught in the same loop.

Intelligence can’t save you

The most painful part of repeated betrayal isn't just the heartbreak.
It's the confusion.
I see this especially in my high-achieving clients—
the CEOs, the attorneys, the doctors, the entrepreneurs.

People who are used to solving complex problems,
who pride themselves on their intelligence and insight.

Yet there they sit, devastated again, asking:
"How could I not see this coming? Again?"

The shame cuts deeper each time.
The self-doubt grows heavier.
The walls around the heart build higher.

You start hiding the pattern from friends
because you can't bear their worried looks
or well-meaning advice.

You lie about how you met your new partner
because you're embarrassed to admit you're dating again
after swearing you were "taking time for yourself."

Meanwhile, your body keeps score.

If you’ve been betrayed, see if this resonates:

The insomnia that comes from constantly checking their phone or social media
The pit in your stomach when they're late or vague about plans
The way your appetite disappears when they seem emotionally distant
The exhaustion from trying to be "enough" to keep them faithful

The most insidious part is that the pattern starts feeling like your identity.

"This is just how love is for me."
And each betrayal confirms what some deep,
wounded part of you has suspected all along:
that you're fundamentally unlovable.

That faithfulness is for other people.
That you're destined to be left, again and again.

I’ll explain something that transformed my understanding of relationships
(and helped me break my own toxic patterns of avoidance):

We all unconsciously impose on the outer world
our limited ideas about how life works,
based largely on conclusions we made
from our earliest experiences with our parents.

In other words: the cheating isn't random.
And it's not because you're unworthy.

It's because something in you—
a part you may not even be conscious of—
is recreating a familiar wound.

Most people don't understand this.
They think they're victims of circumstance
or bad character judgment.

I invite you to see that the truth is far more complex—
and (ultimately more empowering.)

Consider what opens up for you when you frame it as
if your body is magnetizing
exactly the type of betrayal that feels weirdly
"normal" to your system.
(read that again– and sit with that one for a moment).

I know this might sound like victim-blaming.
It's not.

You don't deserve betrayal. 
Full stop.

But understanding why your system might be perpetuating this pattern
is the first step to breaking it.

This is why I love shadow work so much.
It saved my life.

Moving Beyond Betrayal

Imagine for a moment what it would feel like
to be genuinely betrayal-proof.

Not because you've built impenetrable walls
or become a human lie detector,
but because you've rewired your nervous system
at such a fundamental level that you naturally attract faithful partners.

This isn't a fantasy.
I've witnessed this transformation countless times.

When you break this pattern, you start to see some shifts:

You'll notice red flags immediately
instead of wasting months into a relationship
You'll be magnetically drawn to emotional availability
rather than questionable charm
You'll feel genuine security in your body,
not hypervigilance disguised as trust
You'll set boundaries with ease rather than fear of abandonment
You'll recognize true partnership—
where faithfulness isn't even a question

But the most profound change happens in your own body.
The constant background hum of anxiety disappears.
The exhausting performance of trying to be "enough" falls away.
The freezing and fawning no longer causes you to abandon yourself.
The fear that happiness is temporary fades.

In its place grows something very cool:
a bone-deep certainty that you are worthy of faithful love.

Not because someone has finally chose you correctly.
But because you finally chose yourself fully.

This is where your magnetism is.

This is the journey I had to go through myself,
which is why I love guiding my clients through.

Not just away from betrayal,
but toward a completely new experience of relationship—
one where betrayal becomes as unlikely
as a penguin in the desert.

Tomorrow, I'll share
the specific nervous system mechanism behind this cycle—
and why traditional advice like "just choose better partners"
completely misses the mark.

Until then, I invite you to sit with a question:

What feels familiar about how these relationships went down?

Not just the cheating itself,
but the emotions it triggered in you?

The answer might surprise you.

With compassion for your journey,
Your wingman on the adventure,

Nima