I Hate Valentines: Breaking the Cycle of Heartbreak

I used to hate Valentine's Day.

See if this sounds familiar:

For years, Valentine’s Day wasn’t just disappointing;
it was soul-crushing.
It seemed like everyone around me had figured out love,
while I was left picking up the pieces of another failed relationship,
wondering:

Am I the problem?

I remember sitting alone one Valentine’s night,
scrolling through photos of happy couples,
trying to convince myself I didn’t care.
I bought myself a gift, ate dinner alone,
and told myself, I’m fine.

I don’t need anyone.

But deep down,
I felt hollow.

Does that ring any bells?

Valentine’s Day rolls around,
and instead of feeling like a celebration of love,
it feels like a harsh spotlight
on everything that’s broken in your relationships—
or worse, the relationships you wish you had.

This time of year has a way of digging up wounds
we thought we’d buried.

The breakups spike,
the arguments escalate,
and loneliness feels sharper.
Your relationship isn’t what you want.

News Flash: February 14th is just another day on the calendar.

It doesn’t define your worth, your future,
or your capacity to create secure love.

For years, I let this day crush me,
but now it’s just a moment for me to reaffirm to Diana the love we’ve built—
love that feels secure, stable, and mutual.
Love that isn’t tied to grand gestures or fleeting promises,
but to daily acts of connection.

How did I get here?

By breaking free from the conditioning
that taught me love had to hurt.
It had to feel chaotic and intense.
It had to depend on me to “fix” someone
or to have someone else to “fix” me.

The truth is,
we’ve all been conditioned to confuse love with codependency
and trauma bonds.

• We mistake intensity for intimacy.
• We confuse control for care.
• We think love means sacrificing ourselves
  to meet someone else’s needs.

But real love starts with learning how to be with yourself—
to integrate the parts of you that feel unworthy,
abandoned, or rejected.

It’s not about finding the right partner;
it’s about becoming the secure,
self-loving version of yourself who can navigate love
with clarity and confidence.

Over the next few blogs,
I’m going to share the truth about what keeps us stuck
in these patterns and how we can break free—
just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Because here’s the thing:
whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term relationship,
you can create the kind of love you’ve always wanted.

It starts by learning the SKILLS we were never taught.

Stay tuned—
because I’ve got something special coming up that’s designed
to help you do just that.

I know it feels impossible sometimes,
but I’ve seen it happen—
both in my own life and with countless clients.
You CAN break the cycle.
You CAN heal the shadows that keep you stuck.
And you CAN create love that feels safe, nourishing, and whole.

Because you’re worth it.

With compassion and clarity,

Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima