My ex husband was my first s€xual partner

Written By Dr. Nima

On January 20, 2023

(4 minute read)

QUESTION IN MY DM’S:

I’m a 38 year old woman, and I got divorced last year after being separated for several years.
My ex-husband was my first s€xual partner.
The s€x was better prior to getting married,
but after our first year of marriage it was infrequent and sometimes unsatisfying, and I felt confused and rejected.

I recognize that I may have some trauma around s€xual rejection.
I’ve been dating a new man for the past 5 months,
and I’m nervous that I’m feeling connected as friends,
but I’m not sure if we have physical chemistry.

I can tell that wants a relationship, but we haven’t gone any farther than just kissing.
We already have a solid friendship.
I want a passionate and satisfying physical connection,
but I don’t know how to get there or how much time I should give it to develop.

How can I tell if my past trauma and fears are getting in the way or if we just don’t have chemistry?

—-

My response:
Oof, this is a great question.

Right off the bat, as an Attachment Trauma specialist and guide,
my first question that popped into my head when I read this was “What was your parents’ relationship like?”

Here’s why:
According to Kenneth Adams, Phd, in the book “Silently Seduced,” whether we know it or not, seeing breakdowns and issues in our parents’ relationships tends to trickle down to us and affect our own emotional and s€xual wiring.

It’s an insidious and covert form of trauma.

The lack of intimacy more often than notgets transferred down to the children,often confusing children as they begin to feel obligated
to emotionally support their parents.

This wiring leads to an unconscious desire to “complete”
what was incomplete in childhood,
compulsively repeating the exact same dynamic with intimate partners, not understanding why or how this keeps happening.

This is one example of many things that can cause a conditioned pattern where we keep repeating the same cycles:

  • Infidelity (why we keep attracting people who cheat)
  • Abandonment (why we keep attracting people who leave us)
  • Cheating (why we can’t stop s€xting, flirting,
    or having promiscuous s€x even when we are in a relationship)
  • Playing mind games/Womanizing/Inability to commit (can’t seem to get it out of our system no matter how old we are getting)

I was finding the same thing: No matter who the partner,
I simply didn’t understand why s€xual fulfillment within a committed intimate partnership seemed IMPOSSIBLE to me
and I was suspecting there must be something wrong with me.

News flash: There’s NOTHING wrong with you if you can relate.

It turns out, depending on your “S€x story,”
which includes, trauma history, cultural and religious norms,
family expectations and experiences—all bundled up running on auto-pilot in your body–
we are destined to keep repeating it…
UNLESS– we step up and decide to “Rewire” it.

That’s why I created a 3 day event called “Rewire: Trauma, s€x, and Money” for Neuroscience Nerds that actually want to make the shift and who place a high value on healthy relationships

with S€x and money.

In the hundreds of students and clients in our programs, these were the most heavily associated with pain and dissatisfaction in partnerships, and there weren’t too many people bold enough to talk about it.

I certainly wasn’t. After helping all these folks find freedom and fulfillment in their relationships to THEMSELVES–

their s€x and money stories began to shift towards SATISFACTION– and now I’m ready to peel back the curtain and show anyone who’s sincere in their search for secure,healthy relationships, connected and fulfilling,
conscious S€x in an emotionally safe environment.
Oddly enough, our trauma stories also affect our relationship to money.

In Day 1 we unpack your entire trauma story to see what’s under the hood and begin the process of shifting it towards outcomes that are inspiring. We have a special guest for VIP attendees — Human Behavior Expert Dr. John Demartini will be talking about the
“Neuroscience of DESERVING” as well as a free post-event Integration, a digital recording of the entire event, as well as my Intimacy Accelerator 25 hour home study Course (2K in value) for FREE for all VIP’s.

In Day 2 we unpack your entire s€xual identity and go right to the root of where it actually comes from (not learning this leads to repeated patterns of dissatisfaction– fantasizing about people OTHER than who you’re with.

In Day 3 we dig deep into money trauma and find out why we unconsciously feel like we don’t deserve, or we repel prosperity (hint– it’s all in your conditioning).

You raise a very good question which can’t be given to you from an outside source.
In other words– the answer to your question (as with anyone else who’s asking “should I stay or go?”) is that it’s impossible to actually KNOW the answer unless we unpack what this is really about. It’s got little to do with the person you’re seeing and EVERYTHING to do with the conditioning that has us continuing to attract the same dynamic over and over again.

The REAL question is….

Are you finally ready to rewire these patterns?
Click HERE
Grab super early birds and save $100 by tomorrow

P.S if you’re intrigued, watch this video.

P.S When you’re ready, here’s what we got:
Are you ready to work together? I’d love to see if we are the right fit. Apply HERE.

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